Morning came early today, too early.

What used to be a rare occurrence now happens all too often. I wake up in the middle of the night and have to visit the facilities or my inner furnace kicks into overdrive (infernal inferno, anyway). Once the critical state passes, my mind refuses to drift back to dreamland.

I now understand why “Momo,” my much-loved, Texas-tough belle of a grandmother, used to spend the wee hours of the night seated at her kitchen table with a deck of cards playing solitaire.

In my teen years, she played the game on her Apple II. As an early adopter of personal computing, she used hers for three primary tasks: accounting spreadsheets (she was a savvy businesswoman), writing letters to far-flung family (Uncle Clifford’s got the gout again), and playing card games. Momo was something of a card shark – Bridge, Hearts, Canasta, she’d win ’em all – although she was known to throw a game of Go Fish to her grandkids. The computer didn’t stand a chance.

I digress…

Back to this morning. After awaking at 12:55 and again at 4:13 and killing time by reading on my phone (my hand-held computer), I rolled out of bed at 6:19. Since daylight savings started a few weeks ago, that hour is still quite dark.

I made a cup of hazelnut cream coffee in my beloved Keurig and pulled my Bible, study book and journal off the shelf. I was so tired that I longed to go back to bed, but that wasn’t going to happen. The bright fluorescent kitchen light hurt my eyes, so off it went. I settled in with my Bible study and tried to focus by the 60 watt lamp next to the couch. With my aging eyes, I could either turn on more light or pull off the glasses.

Side note for all you youngsters who don’t need reading glasses yet. Near-sighted older folks have an advantage over those with better vision. If you pull off your regular glasses, you can read the tiny Bible print even in dim light. When I’ve got myself more pulled together later in the morning, I’ve put in my contacts and need reading glasses for fine print. Oh, cruel vanity!

Anyway…There I was relishing the shadows while bringing my Bible near my glasses-less nose. For Northwood Ladies’ Bible Study, we’re in 1 John with Kelly Minter’s study “What Love Is.”

“If we say that we have fellowship with him while we are walking in darkness, we lie and do not do what is true, but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” – 1 John 1:6-7

I realized that my tired, discouraged self was craving the darkness, not so I could commit a bunch of dastardly deeds but to avoid dealing with my messes. You can’t see the dog hair tufts on the carpet or the cobwebs clinging from the ceiling when the light is dim.

Now, yes, I need to clean house literally, but I’m going for the metaphor here. I need God’s light to show me where I can clean up my attitude and get rid of harmful habits that are the dirt and clutter of my inner world.

In our study, Kelly Minter had us look at 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” She asked us to confess any bitterness, jealousy, strife or “any areas the Lord shows you.”

I thought, “I don’t have harsh feelings toward others right now, so I’m good.” Then I felt that Holy Spirit pang. “Wait a second, Sandra, you are often quick to forgive and ask forgiveness of others, but you hold on to anger over your own failings.”

God was getting up in my business again. I believe he was prompting me to turn on the light and see that he is bigger than any of my failings and move on. Focus on blessing others rather than wallowing in self-pity.

A few weeks ago, our family took a Spring Break trip to the Great Southwest. We spent our first night in the aptly named View Hotel in Monument Valley. All the rooms have balconies on the east side, so you could get a glorious view of the sunrise. Shawn and I were in one room and the girls were next door.

The two of us bounced out of bed (unexpected bonus: getting older makes it easier to wake up) to watch the sky turn from navy to violet to rose and fiery gold behind three terra cotta towers (East Mitten, West Mitten and one I can’t remember). The sky put on an awe-inspiring show, but my phone camera didn’t capture the beauty very well. The iconic buttes looked like black blocks because they were backlit, meaning the source of light was behind the subject.

When I turned the opposite direction and snapped a photo of Shawn lit by the first rays of the sun, the colors of the nearby mesa (not to mention the handsomeness of my man) were on full display.

This photo was snapped seconds after the previous one.

It only occurs to me now, after reading these verses from 1 John, that anything we put ahead of God is going to turn dark. The way we get the best picture is by shining the Lord’s light on the subject. Light comes from God; “God is light and in him there is no darkness at all.” – 1 John 1:5. And it is found in his Word: “Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” – Psalm119:105.