This looks just like the turntable in my stereo from 1983. What a great high school graduation gift!

Do you ever feel like God’s got your life in broken record mode? Now I know if you’re under 30, you may not understand the reference, but a broken–or scratched–vinyl album plays the same short phrase over and over again until you get up and move the needle to a new song.

I’ve been in a funk lately, unmotivated to pursue projects around the house because they often take too long and cost too much or get undone too soon. Weeds will just grow up and choke out my garden, so why bother? I allowed criticism of my writing to deflate my inspiration instead of spur me towards improvement. Will I ever be good enough to make a real impact?

Family Milestone: Rachel receives her Aggie Ring!

As a mom I wonder, “Where did all the time go?” Rachel is finishing her junior year in college, Rebekah will graduate from high school next month, and Anna will get her learner’s permit this summer. The last one for Shawn to teach to drive (Lord, bless him!). We’ve passed so many milestones of parenthood and the truly hands-on days are mostly behind us. And the hands-off days might be tougher than the hands-on days because you have so little control.

Why have I been feeling this dissatisfaction with the way my life is going? I’d like to think it’s because God wants to do something new with me, and that’s what the broken record messages keep telling me, too.

In cell group, we just started the book “Interrupted,” by Jen Hatmaker. She talks about feeling spiritually dry and how that prompted her to ask God to give her a holy passion. God called her and her husband to a whole new ministry reaching out to the poor in her community.

The last several weeks at Northwood Church, Pastor Bob Roberts talked about exchanging failure for success, Pastor Phuc Dang preached on replacing rejection with acceptance, and today Pastor Jim Hylton spoke on walking in confidence instead of condemnation. Now this is not some prosperity “name it and claim it” gospel. God is saying to me that His definition of success is not the world’s definition. The antidote to rejection is my personal experience of Jesus’ resurrection–new life in Him trumps everything. Our confidence is in God because He set us free from condemnation.

One more broken record moment… Jill Roberts, Northwood’s local outreach pastor, posted this on her Facebook page yesterday, but I didn’t read it until today when I was sitting down to write this post: “Sometimes we focus so much on ridding ourselves of the matters that worry us and don’t recognize that dwelling on these thoughts consume our minds and distract us from moving forward. Once we refocus our attention outward, peace awaits in the opportunities to bless and serve others.”

Everything of lasting value comes down to love: loving God and loving others. My relationship with God should come first and inform everything else I do as a homemaker, writer, and mother.

“God is love, and the man whose life is lived in love does, in fact, live in God, and God does, in fact, live in him. So our love for him grows more and more, filling us with complete confidence for the day when he shall judge all men—for we realize that our life in this world is actually his life lived in us.” — 1 John 4:16b-17 (J.B. Phillips translation)

I should take steps to make my home a place of joy and peace as a way to show love to my family, but I shouldn’t feel like a failure when I see the weeds taking over. Get out and pull a few and be thankful for my little plot of ground!

God gave me the desire to write to encourage others, so if I’m not writing then I am ignoring His call on my life. I should use criticism to help improve what I do and not be paralyzed by rejection. What I do with my writing may or may not look like success to the world. My job is to keep seeking the Lord and communicating what He reveals to me.

Not exactly a brood, but a gaggle is close, right? Family of Canadian geese by the pond behind my house.

I could dwell on the emptying nest, or I can be thankful for my brood. Sending children out into the world is a call to become more of a prayer warrior, right? While my role as a mom is in transition, I need to be faithful to keep loving my family in every stage and looking for the new opportunities as I realize that my life in this world is actually His life lived in me. Looking upward to God and outward to love on His children will put a new song in my heart.