My body has been letting me down lately. I have more aches and pains. I run more slowly while exerting more effort. Much of the time my running buddy is dragging me along. Things I used to take for granted like a good night’s sleep or maintaining an even body temperature have become more precious. I struggle with relationship issues, despite my good intentions. People often don’t do what I want them to do, and it irritates me!

I was listening on lifetoday.org to Beth Moore teach on the topic of “Our True Selves.” She used the story of Jacob and Esau to illustrate how we need to get honest with ourselves, our God  and each other.

We see from the very beginning in Genesis 25 that Jacob was a born manipulator. His name means “heel grasper.” He tricked his brother out of the birthright and his father out of the blessing for the first born. His trickery forced him to run away because Esau wanted to kill him. In going to Laban, he met his match. Laban gave Jacob a run for his money in manipulation–a taste of his own medicine.

In Genesis 32 when Jacob goes to meet Esau, he is still trying to work the situation, sending gifts and servants on ahead of him. It is not until Jacob wrestles with the angel of the Lord that he changes. The angel gets him to let go by dislocating his hip.

I think God uses all kinds of struggles (large and small) to get us to lay down our own will and submit to His. I am reminded of this passage from 2 Corinthians 1: ⁸ For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers,^[b] of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

When we stop trying to work people and situations and seek God, we find peace. I don’t think Jacob ever completely recovered from his limp. It was a daily reminder of God’s hand upon his life and of his own frailty. Could God be using ongoing struggles to keep us seeking His face? Do we have daily reminders of our own frailty? “God’s power is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

I want to go to God with my weakness and be honest with others. I do not have it all together, but God has my back. I thank Him for the struggles and ask Him to use them for His glory. If I am still limping, I am reminded to seek His strength.

“My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” – Philippians 3:10

I had a revelation when I read this Bible verse during a recent morning devotion. The Holy Spirit was speaking in “the fellowship of His sufferings.” I had my usual gut reaction: Do I really want to suffer? NO! I try to avoid suffering! Then it hit me. We all suffer. “The rain falls on the just and unjust alike” (Matthew 5:45). But will I choose to fellowship with Christ in my suffering? Will I look for what He is trying to teach me? Will I praise God from this rocky, rainy place?

Rebekah, Elektra and me (very glad to be done) with the 2013 Run for Triumph.

For me, this has been a season of trials. My daughters have had various painful struggles, some of them typical teen and young adult challenges and a few more onerous obstacles. I experienced a month of health problems and uncertainty that made me weak and unable to do a lot. Not running made me grumpy, but I was exhausted from taking the trash out. Not knowing also made me grumpy.  Where would this suffering lead?

As I look in the rear-view mirror at more than 30 years of following Christ, I can see that God uses suffering in my life to get me less self-reliant and more God-reliant. I want to “consider it joy” when I suffer because I know God will use it. I’m not saying that I like it or look forward to it, or anything crazy like that. But I can trust Him to use it.

This morning I got a devotion via email (TGIF: Prime Time with God) that talked about Joseph and how he named his son Ephraim “because God has made me fruitful in my land of suffering.” – Genesis 41:52. Writer Os Hillman writes, “Samson had great anointing but lacked character. We see many today who have great anointing yet lack character. But God is raising up Josephs who not only have great anointing for these days but also great character. Suffering produces character.”

I am reminded of the Bible passage: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance,  character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us.” – Romans 5:3-5

Where will your suffering lead? Physical training (like running) is often difficult and sometimes painful (especially as I get older), but it usually produces desirable results. Likewise, will my suffering be wasted or will I go to God in my distress so I become more like Christ?

Rachel Scott (rachelschallenge.org)

As a writer, I often think about the power of words.

My day job is to cover news and events in the Keller school district for the Keller Citizen and the Star-Telegram. On Friday, I went to Timberview Middle School in Fort Worth for “Rachel’s Challenge” a global anti-bullying campaign started by the family of Rachel Scott, the first person killed in the 1999 shootings at Columbine High School.

Like “The Diary of Anne Frank,” the words Rachel wrote in her journals, and in a school essay, are reaching millions of people. Her plea to “start a chain reaction of kindness” lives on. Judging by the tears and compassion I saw from young teens on Friday as they hugged each other and passed out Kleenex, Rachel’s message made a difference.

One of the key parts of Rachel’s Challenge to teens is to “speak with kindness.” As the presenter talked about the power of words, how a criticism can crush and a compliment can uplift, I thought of the phrase “speak life.”

Snippets of the song “Speak Life” started to go through my head, and when I tweeted about Rachel’s Challenge, I typed #speaklife. I wasn’t super familiar with the song but had heard it a number of times on the radio.

The following morning as I went over my notes and finished writing my story on Rachel’s Challenge, I read “words can hurt or heal.” Again, “Speak life” was running through my brain. You know, like when you can’t get a song out of your head and it starts to get a bit annoying?

I finished my story and put on my running clothes. I didn’t want to run far, and since I needed the extra motivation of a scenic route, I decided to hop in the car with my ever-eager running buddy, Elektra, and take a five-minute drive to a nearby park with awesome trails. What came on the radio as I pulled out of my neighborhood? You guessed it, Tobymac’s “Speak Life.” I didn’t even know it was a Tobymac song until I got home and looked it up on YouTube.

“Speak Life” by Tobymac

You are so funny, God! Just in case I wanted to ignore it, He wanted to make sure I got the message. Speak Life. As I began to run with my crazy canine companion, I thought about God’s call to Speak Life is also a call on my life to Write Life.

God wants us to Speak Life because He has given us “the message of reconciliation:”

¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

– 1 Corinthinas 5:18-20

The Bible is chock full of commands, warnings, and promises surrounding the words we speak. I Googled “Bible verses on the power of words” and was rewarded/humbled with a “Top 100” list.

First, Proverbs 18:21  reminded me “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Second was “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”- Eph. 4:29.

Words matter. How can you Speak Life to someone who needs to hear it today?

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” – Ephesians 6:13

It turns out that Pat Benatar was right. Love IS a battlefield. But wait, there’s more. Life is a battlefield, too.

For months now, I have been slogging along through the trenches. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of blue sky or the scent of flowers in the breeze. But mostly there’s been battles and mud and heavy loads.

Some of it, I’m sure, is my own doing. A byproduct of my own  sometimes dysfunctional approach to challenges. But a lot of it is out of my control. I see the struggles and suffering of those I hold dear, and I feel like I’m caught in a battle.

Bad things happen to loved ones, sometimes for no reason we can grasp. What do we do then? We need to come along side them. Get down in the muddy, broken places and fight for love. The Lord doesn’t want us to abandon one another in the midst of war. He calls us to put on His armor. To carry His message of hope and grace in the trenches.

“Experiencing the abundant life God intends for us does not mean that our lives will be problem-free. On the contrary, life is a series of problems that often act as obstacles to our search for significance, and the abundant life is the experience of God’s love, forgiveness, and power in the midst of these problems… It often seems that unsuspecting believers are the last to know this battle is occurring, and they don’t know that Christ has ultimately won the war. They are surprised and confused by difficulties, thinking that the Christian life is a playground, not a battlefield.” – The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee

I haven’t posted on my blog in so long because I have been down in the trenches battling. I wanted to come to you after overcoming the challenges, but the challenges remain. Days turning to weeks turning to months.

God prompted me to send you a missive from the mud. He wouldn’t leave me alone about it. It’s gotten kind of annoying. I’ve tried to ignore Him (la, la, la, I didn’t hear that). He’s telling me I missed the point. His people need to get real with each other, not hide behind the quick “I’m fine.”

I don’t know what battles you’re facing today, but here’s the good news. Christ has already won the war! All these difficulties will not prevail against the believer. There is hope not just over the horizon but in the trenches.

^” But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”              –  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Did you see that? The power comes from God, not from us. I don’t know why bad things happen, but I do know that God will use the struggles in your life for His glory and your hope, if you let Him.

Here it is again from Beth Moore: “We have to get down on our knees in the hardship of our circumstances and apply God’s Word to the most difficult places, believing God will bring a harvest.” – Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent

The other day in the midst of a trying day (week, month, year), I took our crazy hyper German Shepherd-Border Collie mix Elektra on a run through the park. I was awestruck and amazed by the fall colors I saw there. Vivid yellow leaves fluttering to the ground around us, trees ablaze in amber made even more brilliant against the leaden overcast sky.

The autumn beauty. The laughter of children. A lovely little loaf of pumpkin bread from a friend. God’s gifts to me in the trenches.

Two more from Beth Moore:

“Jesus is the author of connection. Satan is the author of isolation. The more our enemy takes us captive, the further we distance ourselves from healthy people.”

“Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change, but the circumstances of our hearts are changed in the midst of them through a keen sense of God’s presence and a lively perception of His activity.” (both from Stepping Up)

Let’s not push each other away or try to hide when fighting a war. Let’s reach out and look out for one another. Carry one another’s burdens in prayer.  Brothers and sisters in arms.

When you are truly battling, you remember what’s important. Worldly wealth and success pale in comparison with God’s persistent pursuing love for us. We are reminded of His mission: walking in His love and sharing it with others.

“I wait for the Lord. I wait and I put my hope in His word. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning — more than watchmen for the morning. [Believer], put your hope in the Lord. For with the Lord there is unfailing love, and with Him there is redemption.” – Psalm 130:5-7

My daughter Rachel, now a senior at Texas A&M, wrote a poem in class the day after 9/11/2001. Here’s a story about it from Dave Lieber, then a columnist for the Star-Telegram and now with the Dallas Morning News.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
– Matthew 5:4

Flags on Academic Plaza at Texas A&M on Sept. 11, 2013. Courtesy of @TAMU

LIEBER: We should listen to the compelling words of a 9-year-old from Keller whose eloquence about the greatest tragedy of our time is so comforting and wise.

It is a simple, eloquent 106-word poem that sums up the thoughts of a nation.

Rachel Engelland, 9-year-old daughter of Shawn and Sandra Engelland of Keller, caused tears of sadness and pride in teachers and staff Wednesday at Shady Grove Elementary School when she took her assignment to write in her journal and created a work of art.

The teachers at Shady Grove had been careful Tuesday not to let the children learn too much about the terrorist attacks on America.

“We kept it as normal as possible, ” Principal Jayne Flores said.

When Rachel’s mother picked her up as part of a carpool Tuesday, Rachel said, “Mommy, I heard that a couple of airplanes crashed into this building. Do you know anything about it?”

“We’ll talk about it later, not when I’m carpooling, ” her mother answered. “I have to watch the traffic.”

“Oh, OK, ” the girl said.

Rachel was surprised to see her father home from work. Like many others, Shawn Engelland, a NASA aerospace engineer, was released from his job early.

“We need to talk to you about something, ” he said when Rachel walked in. “This is really serious.”

The father and mother sat Rachel and her little sister, Rebekah, down in the living room and turned on the television. He showed them the videotape of the hijacked airplanes crashing into the innocence of Americans.

The family said a prayer, and Rachel, who began to feel sad, went out for an afternoon bicycle ride.

“I decided I needed a break, ” she said.

Tuesday night, she had difficulty sleeping. “I said a prayer, ” she said, asking: “God, please help me through the night. Please help me calm down. And please help the people who are in trouble.”

She awoke Wednesday morning and her first thought was, “Whoa, it really happened!”

She dressed in tan overalls and a rose-colored shirt and headed off to school, where she watched as the flag was lowered to half-staff.

In Rachel’s class, her teacher, Paula Brownlee, talked about patriotism. The students stood and sang the national anthem. Then Brownlee asked the students to write in their journals.

Rachel wrote a poem which she titled, It All Came at Such a Cost.

The poem goes like this:

Yes, a lot of lives were lost, It all came at such a cost.

There wasn’t anything one could do,

But I hope you know I’m praying for you.

Yes, those lost were loved the most,

But if we hold hands from coast to coast,

And sing, sing, sing,

Let the church bells ring, ring, ring,

We’ll lift each other up so high.

We’ll soar like eagles in the sky.

All the nations will see how we behave.

We’re the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The World Trade Center is gone, lives are lost.

It all came at such a cost.

When she was done, she read the poem aloud in class. Her teacher cried. Her classmates applauded. Then other teachers who were shown the poem cried, too.

“I wrote it to comfort people, ” the little girl said.

Please share it with your friends and loved ones. Tell them that among some of the wisest people in our great land is a little girl from Keller, Texas, who wrote so eloquently what so many of us feel and what we all need to hear.

It was the moment I had been dreading for almost a year.

We had gotten into Lawrence about noon and fought through the traffic jam around the Daisy Hill dorms. We climbed five flights of stairs over and over again in the sticky summer heat, unloading boxes of books and dishes, bags of linens and clothes. Then we went for a late lunch and ran some errands, buying a few things we hadn’t packed, delaying our departure.

But suddenly it was upon us. I gave Rebekah a quick hug so she couldn’t see the tears in my eyes and said I’d talk to her later. Then Shawn and I hopped in the Durango and drove off. It was a quick parting because it was too hard to prolong it. Like a Band aid, you just want to rip that sucker off. I couldn’t bear a long goodbye.

This wasn’t my first “drop and dash” of leaving a kid at college, so I knew what to expect. We took Rachel to College Station three years ago, and it was hard. Well, it didn’t get any easier the second time around. If anything, it was more gut-wrenching because I had more of an idea what that hole in our home would be like.

I still have one more chickadee in my nest, so I’m still in the trenches of day-to-day parenting: homework struggles, chore nagging, and striving to be on time to piano lessons. I’m reminding myself to enjoy the moments because they are fleeting (or to say under my breath, “this, too, shall pass”).

At the same time, Shawn and I are trying to parent our college girls from afar because–GUESS WHAT?– they still need help to grow into responsible adults. Questions, suggestions, and a listening ear have replaced a lot of the rules and demands for them to listen to us.

The parenting journey hasn’t gotten a whole lot easier, just different. The big change? We have very little control over what happens to college kids who are 200 or 500 miles away. It’s enough to make a mom mope.

This is where faith found me. The week I was taking Rebekah to KU, I just happened to be on the section about faith in “The Purple Book: Biblical Foundations for Building Strong Disciples.”

This was a book recommended at my church, Northwood. At first, I thought it was good stuff for baby Christians but not all that compelling for someone who’d been a believer for more than 30 years. I was wrong. The whole book is looking up a lot of Bible verses and writing short responses. God’s word is “living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword (Heb. 4:12).” Whenever you’re in God’s word with an open heart and mind, expect to get called out.

Quite a few of those verses whopped me up side the head. I’ll pull out just a few.

What is faith? “The reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” -Heb. 11:1

Faith is a choice to believe God and trust in His Son, Jesus (Gal. 2:16).

“Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have also obtained access through Him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.” – Rom. 5:1-2

From faith in Christ come peace with God, grace that keeps me standing when otherwise I would be knocked flat, and joy in the hope of God’s glory, even in the moment you drive away from your baby. God can be glorified in me when I trust Him with these monumental changes. He has wonderful plans for my girls (Jer. 29:11), and I can trust Him with their futures.

Change is a constant part of life, and whether you’re 18 or 48 or 81 you have a choice. Will you choose worry and fear or believe that God’s got your back no matter what?

Here’s another passage that grabbed me and won’t let loose:

“For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” – 1 John 5:3-5

The day before I left for Lawrence, I wrote in my Purple Book, “I am reminded that faith leads to obedience. Faith conquers the world. Love is connected to faith and faith to obedience and obedience to victory.”

Even though my role as a mom is in transition, God still has plenty for me to do. My faith in Him grows as I keep His commands. The more I love Jesus and do what He calls me to do, the more I conquer the fear and sin that can trip me up. I trust God with my future and the futures of my children, so I keep following His lead through the changes.

God’s got my back, no matter what. That, my friends, is victory.

This looks just like the turntable in my stereo from 1983. What a great high school graduation gift!

Do you ever feel like God’s got your life in broken record mode? Now I know if you’re under 30, you may not understand the reference, but a broken–or scratched–vinyl album plays the same short phrase over and over again until you get up and move the needle to a new song.

I’ve been in a funk lately, unmotivated to pursue projects around the house because they often take too long and cost too much or get undone too soon. Weeds will just grow up and choke out my garden, so why bother? I allowed criticism of my writing to deflate my inspiration instead of spur me towards improvement. Will I ever be good enough to make a real impact?

Family Milestone: Rachel receives her Aggie Ring!

As a mom I wonder, “Where did all the time go?” Rachel is finishing her junior year in college, Rebekah will graduate from high school next month, and Anna will get her learner’s permit this summer. The last one for Shawn to teach to drive (Lord, bless him!). We’ve passed so many milestones of parenthood and the truly hands-on days are mostly behind us. And the hands-off days might be tougher than the hands-on days because you have so little control.

Why have I been feeling this dissatisfaction with the way my life is going? I’d like to think it’s because God wants to do something new with me, and that’s what the broken record messages keep telling me, too.

In cell group, we just started the book “Interrupted,” by Jen Hatmaker. She talks about feeling spiritually dry and how that prompted her to ask God to give her a holy passion. God called her and her husband to a whole new ministry reaching out to the poor in her community.

The last several weeks at Northwood Church, Pastor Bob Roberts talked about exchanging failure for success, Pastor Phuc Dang preached on replacing rejection with acceptance, and today Pastor Jim Hylton spoke on walking in confidence instead of condemnation. Now this is not some prosperity “name it and claim it” gospel. God is saying to me that His definition of success is not the world’s definition. The antidote to rejection is my personal experience of Jesus’ resurrection–new life in Him trumps everything. Our confidence is in God because He set us free from condemnation.

One more broken record moment… Jill Roberts, Northwood’s local outreach pastor, posted this on her Facebook page yesterday, but I didn’t read it until today when I was sitting down to write this post: “Sometimes we focus so much on ridding ourselves of the matters that worry us and don’t recognize that dwelling on these thoughts consume our minds and distract us from moving forward. Once we refocus our attention outward, peace awaits in the opportunities to bless and serve others.”

Everything of lasting value comes down to love: loving God and loving others. My relationship with God should come first and inform everything else I do as a homemaker, writer, and mother.

“God is love, and the man whose life is lived in love does, in fact, live in God, and God does, in fact, live in him. So our love for him grows more and more, filling us with complete confidence for the day when he shall judge all men—for we realize that our life in this world is actually his life lived in us.” — 1 John 4:16b-17 (J.B. Phillips translation)

I should take steps to make my home a place of joy and peace as a way to show love to my family, but I shouldn’t feel like a failure when I see the weeds taking over. Get out and pull a few and be thankful for my little plot of ground!

God gave me the desire to write to encourage others, so if I’m not writing then I am ignoring His call on my life. I should use criticism to help improve what I do and not be paralyzed by rejection. What I do with my writing may or may not look like success to the world. My job is to keep seeking the Lord and communicating what He reveals to me.

Not exactly a brood, but a gaggle is close, right? Family of Canadian geese by the pond behind my house.

I could dwell on the emptying nest, or I can be thankful for my brood. Sending children out into the world is a call to become more of a prayer warrior, right? While my role as a mom is in transition, I need to be faithful to keep loving my family in every stage and looking for the new opportunities as I realize that my life in this world is actually His life lived in me. Looking upward to God and outward to love on His children will put a new song in my heart.

So Selection Sunday at our house was about more than where our beloved Jayhawks would be seeded and whom they would be playing. Selection Sunday was also the deadline for our senior Rebekah to make her college decision.

After a lot of thought and campus visits and hours spent weighing the pros and cons, Rebekah decided to become a Jayhawk. She had a tough time making up her mind because she had a lot of good options. And I think the enormity of the college decision has had a sobering effect on our usually laid back, upbeat child (the only one of the three who could be called “mellow” in temperament).

Shawn and I told her that she should focus on schools within a 600-mile radius that would offer her good scholarships or would be in-state. Rebekah’s Final Four: the University of Kansas, the University of Oklahoma, Texas A&M (where sister Rachel attends) and the University of Texas (she would go there even if it meant ticking off her Aggie sister).

Rebekah went on official campus visits to all four schools but was still having a tough time making up her mind. Since she was leaning towards either OU or KU, we stopped by Norman on our way to central Kansas for Spring Break. We walked around the campus a little on a frigid Sunday afternoon just so she could see it again. In the middle of a relaxing week at the Engelland family farm, she and her sisters headed off to Lawrence for a day trip just to look at KU one more time.

After lunch on Mass. Street, they headed towards campus. Rachel is the only one of the three who has a smartphone, but since she was nearing her data limit she didn’t want to use it to find the Kansas Union and its adjacent parking garage. So Rebekah was left to follow signs marked “Visitors Parking.” They pulled into a garage and walked towards the attached building. The door read, “Allen Fieldhouse.”

Rachel said they realized they weren’t at the bookstore, but a woman walked up and asked them if they wanted a tour. She took them on a behind-the-scenes tour of Allen Fieldhouse and the adjacent buildings: the student tutoring center, the Donors Atrium, the indoor track, the weight room, and they even spied Kevin Young practicing on Naismith Court. As they went through one hallway, Bill Self walked by and said, “Hey, guys.”

Rachel and Rebekah said, “hi.” Anna was stunned into silence. Really, that was the extent of their interaction with Coach Self. But the kindness of the woman to take a half an hour out of her day and the chance encounter with the famous coach left an impression on my girls. They had a totally unexpected adventure because they got a little lost.

I like to think that God delights in surprising us when we believe we are off track. I may think I went the wrong way or events may not turn out the way I wanted, but God has me right where He wants me. Now I could have insisted on going with them to Lawrence, and they never would have had that experience. I would have gone right to the visitors’ garage next to the Union. Part of being a parent is knowing when to step back, even when it’s hard. Shawn and I wanted them to have their “Sister Road Trip,” so we sent them off with maps, verbal instructions, cash and well-funded debit cards. I prayed that God would watch out for them and that He would give Rebekah guidance about her college decision. That has been a long-running prayer on my list.

I believe that the unexpected adventure they had could have been God’s confirmation to Rebekah: this is going to be good. He sees her in her struggle and has a great plan worked out just for her (Jer. 29:11), even though she doesn’t know what it is.

That’s why I wanted to title this blog post, “How Coach Bill Self convinced Rebekah to attend KU.” I knew it would draw readers. Rebekah wouldn’t let me. She would say what convinced her was the excellent honors program and the emphasis on study abroad. But since she was having a hard time making a commitment, maybe the Engelland girls’ escapade at Allen Fieldhouse tipped the scales.

I need to remember, especially when life is not going as planned, that God sees me and has some unexpected adventures in my future. As Christians, we can always look ahead with hope no matter what struggles surround us.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Eph. 2:10

This is going to be good…

Boy, am I dense. I must be, or I wouldn’t keep getting the same few lessons over and over again. This fall, I’ve been studying James with a group of wonderful women. God has a habit of using my personal life to show me how I need to apply Scripture, and this season has been no different. If I were to pick a theme for the last few months, it would be two sides of faith: the waiting faith and the acting faith.

In many areas, God has me in a holding pattern.  I am waiting on answers to some annoying health issues which are, most likely, not serious. As a member of the news media, I’ve had to endure changes, cutbacks, and even more cynicism than usual. On the home front, I’ve been planning some improvements, but the timing isn’t quite right.  I need to wait a while longer. The recent election results look to me like more opportunities for persevering under trials.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” – James 1:2-4

I thought about calling this post, “The Waiting Game.” According to freedictionary.com, the definition is “the postponement of action or decision to gain the advantage.” Sometimes endurance means waiting and other times endurance means training. It’s more like the game, “Red light, green light.” In a lot of areas, God is telling me to stop and be patient, and elsewhere He is prodding me forward.

As a runner, I’m familiar with the concept of building up endurance over time. Periods of rest allow your body to heal, especially as you get older (yes, I’m now an older runner). If I go too far too fast, I risk injury. But I can’t rest too long either, or my endurance will begin to slip. Experience has taught me that if I don’t run for a week, it may take me two weeks to get back to that level of fitness.

This fall, I’ve had the joy of watching Rebekah in her senior season of cross country and Anna in her very first season as a runner. For Rebekah, years of training allowed her to secure a spot on varsity and maintain it. She worked hard to bring her times down and met that goal. Anna learned that there are no shortcuts to being a good runner. It takes both action and patience, but I hope she also discovered the benefits of persevering and the camaraderie of the team.

So that brings me to the other side of faith, faith in action. Here again, James got into my business. Most days I write a prayer journal, and I usually start with a Bible verse that has leaped out at me. At least four different times in the last two months, I recorded the same verse: “But those who look intently into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act — they will be blessed in their doing.” – James 1:25. Another verse popped up in several entries, and it’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer: “Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin.” – James 4:17.

While I am waiting on God in some trials, He is calling me to action elsewhere. I shouldn’t have been surprised by this message. James is, after all, “Mr. Faith-without-deeds-is-dead.” But what does that mean to me today? In the second chapter, James criticizes believers who wish others well but do nothing to help those in need. How many times is it

in my power to help, and I don’t? On my own, I tend towards stinginess. Like those birds in Finding Nemo, “mine, mine, mine.” But God calls me to care for others in tangible ways by giving of my money and time.

As a Christian, I want to have a lot of Bible knowledge, but knowledge is not an end in and of itself. It shows us the way to go. Am I going God’s way? I tried to look at the various areas in my life and felt rather overwhelmed. I want to write in a way that encourages others to follow my Father. I long to be a godly wife and mother, so I look for ways to bless them and to train my girls in the way they should go. I want to serve where the Lord would have me in my church. As a member of the media and the wider community, I want to be Christ’s ambassador. People I see every day need a hope that never fails.

I have a lot more green lights than red, and my head starts to spin. But here again James has a tip for me: “If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you.” – James 1:5

God, in His wisdom, only gave me 24 hours in a day. How about you? If God is first, sometimes He wants us to stop and reflect. There are times when He puts up the red light in unexpected or unwanted ways to get us to slow down. Other times He wants us to go. He wants us to pull out our wallets or get on a plane or say what needs to be said. The only way we know when to stay and when to go is by “looking intently into the perfect law that gives freedom” and by prayer (that’s in the fifth chapter).

I guess it’s like being a farmer. I grew up a city girl but have had the joy of marrying a farm boy, so I’ve learned a thing or two. Much of the time, you have to act. Till the ground, plant the seeds, harvest the crop. Other times you wait. Wait for the rain. Wait until the fields dry after the rain so the tractor won’t get stuck. Wait for the harvest season. I look to God for wisdom on when to stop and when to go. “Draw near to the Lord, and He will draw near to you.” – James 4:8a

This morning started out a little rough. I woke up thinking about all the things I have to do today. When my youngest, Anna, got up, she was complaining about allergies. We sifted through the medicine supplies and found her something to take for them. Before she and Rebekah left for early morning cross country practice, I made tentative plans to pick her up a bit early from school to take her to the doctor for a renewal of the only allergy medicine we’ve found that provides long-term relief. Shawn came down and told me my tire looked low, and I needed to check it before I went anywhere. I was trying to work on Bible study homework for a class I just started, and he sat down and lovingly pointed out a small character flaw (he really did do it with gentleness and care, but I wasn’t too happy about it).
My study was on James 1:5-8. The passage says if we lack wisdom, we should ask God who will give it to us generously and without finding fault. But it also warns that we should ask without doubting and without being double-minded, or we won’t get anything at all. I was struggling with the second part because all too often, my faith seems so small.
Then the phone rang, and it was Anna in a bit of a panic. She had forgotten a key piece of clothing for the day and asked if I could drop it off before she finished running. Now I could have said no and let her deal with the consequences of forgetting, and there are times when I believe that would be appropriate. But she is brand new to cross country and early morning practices and, in my opinion, still needs extra encouragement.
I found the clothing. I also picked up the cellphone and the throat lozenges she forgot. Because she often eats very little until after school, I grabbed an apple and a granola bar and stuck in money for lunch. I put all the items into a plastic Kroger bag and left them in the prearranged spot (Rebekah’s pickup in the school parking lot). I spied the girls running around the track with their teammates and smiled at the sight.
Then I went back home to finish my study. The Message translation of James 1:5-6 was reminding me, “If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.”
In her James study guide, Beth Moore says she’s “practiced coupling my plea for wisdom with my advance gratitude for receiving it.” That’s one aspect of asking in faith, knowing that God has our best in mind and will do it. I know He wants me to become more like Him in joyful obedience and loving others, so I can thank Him that He is working on me and allow Him to knock the hard edges off my heart.
As I started to pray, Anna texted me, “I have the best mommy ever!!!” I think she was enthusiastic because I went beyond just the item of clothing and gave her things she didn’t even ask for. God tapped me on the shoulder. He goes way beyond what we ask and gives us “immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine” (Eph. 3:20).
My job is to ask for wisdom, be thankful that God is at work, and get my own stubborn self out of the way as I follow Him.