The most important thing you will do…

Almost a year ago I went from working 25 to 28 hours a week outside the home to a 40 hour week (sometimes more). Since then, I’ve struggled to juggle work and home demands. I’ve dealt with fatigue as an all too frequent companion and cut back on extraneous activities like watching “Bath Crashers,” cooking on meeting nights that didn’t involve Kroger rotisserie chicken and dusting (to be honest, dusting rarely cracked my top ten, but now I have an excuse).

The extra duties I took on at work involve a lot of writing, which is good for a writer like me. I get paid to do something I love. What is not good is that I let weariness from writing hamper my personal writing mission. I believe that God gave me the ability and desire to write so I can encourage others to find their purpose, strength, and joy in the Lord. I’m asking God to help me be faithful to his calling.

“‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.” – Zechariah 4:6b

In my own strength, it seems impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).

What dream are you ignoring right now? Maybe like me, you’re discouraged because you don’t have a lot of extra time to devote to it. Just start somewhere. If you have 15 minutes today and 15 minutes on Wednesday, that’s 30 minutes you’ve spent on what Jon Acuff calls pursuing “your awesome.” As you start to make progress, you may find that it’s easier to give up things you enjoy (like that Sunday afternoon nap) in pursuit of your passion.

Don’t despise the day of small beginnings (Zech. 4:10) because even small steps make progress on the journey.

Now here’s a caveat emptor (buyer beware) caution for you. Crafting your calling probably is NOT the most important thing you do.

As a Christian, the most important activities I do involve loving God and loving others (Matt. 22:37-39). I’ll give you an example. Last week, I drove the 45 minutes north to Denton to take my mom out for brunch. My stepdad had been ill and in the hospital, and I arranged my work schedule so I could spend a few hours with my mom and briefly visit with her ailing husband.

It struck me later that visiting my mom was way more important than writing a front page story for the Star-Telegram (which I’d done the week before) or a blog post that inspired others. There are many people to write such things, but I am my mother’s only daughter.

I’m also reminded that the most valuable part of my day is the time I spend with God. Reading the Bible, praying and asking for the Lord to direct me sets my course and my attitude.

While our culture is often focused on achievements and possessions, God’s economy is based on reliance on Him and relationships. Don’t be surprised that the two don’t line up, “for the wisdom of the world is foolishness to God.” – 1 Cor. 3:19a.

Go ahead and shut down your computer and go for a walk with your husband.

Let the dishes sit in the sink while you read to your toddler.

Leave the office and take your teen out for ice cream.

You may find that the most important things you do are not the ones on your “to do” list or your life goals.

“Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

I find myself bone-tired a lot these days. The weight of trying to keep up with a growing list of obligations and expectations is daunting. As a wife, a mom, a daughter, an employee, a friend, a church member, I just get “tie-yerd” (say it with a Texan twang) trying to keep my head above water.

My state of mind doesn’t improve when I focus on the never-ending pursuit of Pinterest perfection or float too long in the shallow end of Facebook friendships. What truly helps is following Jesus’ promise.

Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest: Take Jesus up on his invitation. Get away from your obligations–even if it’s just a few minutes–and look into God’s Word. Linger on an encouraging verse.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me: This tells me that you have to learn to follow (Duh!). It does not come naturally to us. It’s a discipline we build into our lives. When I am struggling, I try to mentally stop myself and ask, “What is the Lord trying to teach me here?” In her talk at Northwood’s Ladies Bible Study yesterday, Annie Murray said we have to go through the process to get to the promise. That, my friends, is godly wisdom.

For I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls: You won’t find soul rest by looking out for number one. This goes against what our culture teaches. I see this promise as having two parts, putting others first and being transparent. Feeling weighed down by your cares? Find someone to help. Even a simple act of easing off the gas and allowing that annoying driver to get ahead of me can reframe my focus. Discouraged because you stumbled on the same spot AGAIN? Overwhelmed by worry? Be transparent with others. Sharon Tedford said in our table group discussion yesterday that transparency leads to faith. A lack of transparency leads to religion.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light: Why is it easy and light? Grace. We don’t have to do it on our own (we couldn’t anyway). Grace is God’s power that holds us up when life is hard. Grace is God’s unexpected blessings that show up on the way. Grace is the promise of better things to come. As believers, we can look ahead to the future with joy.

“Don’t think that I came to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” – Matthew 10:34

Is your life hard right now? Join the club, sister.

As our Ladies’ Bible Study works through “The Carpenter King,” a study of Matthew by Max Lucado, I was a little ticked off at him this week for focusing on a passage I’d like to ignore. You see, Matthew 10:24-40 is a very tough teaching. It lets us know that we aren’t on an easy road. Expect rejection from the world, and (even worse) from those you hold closest to your heart. It’s counting the cost: “A person’s enemies will be members of his own family” (v. 36).

Sometimes following Christ pits us against friends and family. What could be worse than that? The truth is we often will disagree with loved ones. The difference is how we handle that disagreement. Jesus spoke of enemies here in Matthew 10, but he never treated his enemies in the “eye-for-an-eye” way of the world.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies and pray for them (Matt. 5:44). Love them into the fold when they’ve strayed far from the right path, like he did with the woman at the well. Love them when they turn away from us, like his call to the rich young ruler. Love them when they betray us, like when he restored Peter who denied ever knowing him.

He calls us to a radical love that means we don’t put anyone ahead of him. Not our spouses, not our children, and not our parents. We look first to Him for strength through His Word and prayer, and then serve our families. Loving Jesus first means we love others better than we ever could on our own. In denying our own wishes and following Him, He meets our needs and gives us the power to serve others.

In his look at this difficult passage, Max asked us to reflect on highlights and lowlights in our time of following Jesus. It forced me to examine the fact that I’ve been traveling a rough road for a long time. I haven’t been blogging at all lately because life’s been hard. I’ve had challenges at home and at work. This week was a reminder to me that I can’t check out on what I believe God has called me to do.

While I’d like to escape into mindless diversion of TV or surfing the Web, I realize that what I’m really doing is sulking. I don’t like the way things are going, and it’s hard. Matthew 10 is telling me to suck it up, sister. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how these trials will turn out. But life is more of a battleship than a cruise ship. Jesus is asking us to follow Him into battle. And guess what? We’re going to get hurt. When others inflict pain, we need to go to the one who will never forsake us.

This “pull on your combat boots and join the battle” message keeps popping up:

– To the procrastinator (that’s me!) from Ann Voskamp who says it so beautifully: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/01/dear-you-who-doesnt-want-to-do-that-hard-thing/

– And from Desiring God:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/lay-aside-the-weight-of-not-feeling-like-it

And finally, this prayer from Max Lucado: “Help me resist the common but erroneous notion that following you will be anything but hard.”

My body has been letting me down lately. I have more aches and pains. I run more slowly while exerting more effort. Much of the time my running buddy is dragging me along. Things I used to take for granted like a good night’s sleep or maintaining an even body temperature have become more precious. I struggle with relationship issues, despite my good intentions. People often don’t do what I want them to do, and it irritates me!

I was listening on lifetoday.org to Beth Moore teach on the topic of “Our True Selves.” She used the story of Jacob and Esau to illustrate how we need to get honest with ourselves, our God  and each other.

We see from the very beginning in Genesis 25 that Jacob was a born manipulator. His name means “heel grasper.” He tricked his brother out of the birthright and his father out of the blessing for the first born. His trickery forced him to run away because Esau wanted to kill him. In going to Laban, he met his match. Laban gave Jacob a run for his money in manipulation–a taste of his own medicine.

In Genesis 32 when Jacob goes to meet Esau, he is still trying to work the situation, sending gifts and servants on ahead of him. It is not until Jacob wrestles with the angel of the Lord that he changes. The angel gets him to let go by dislocating his hip.

I think God uses all kinds of struggles (large and small) to get us to lay down our own will and submit to His. I am reminded of this passage from 2 Corinthians 1: ⁸ For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers,^[b] of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

When we stop trying to work people and situations and seek God, we find peace. I don’t think Jacob ever completely recovered from his limp. It was a daily reminder of God’s hand upon his life and of his own frailty. Could God be using ongoing struggles to keep us seeking His face? Do we have daily reminders of our own frailty? “God’s power is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

I want to go to God with my weakness and be honest with others. I do not have it all together, but God has my back. I thank Him for the struggles and ask Him to use them for His glory. If I am still limping, I am reminded to seek His strength.

“My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” – Philippians 3:10

I had a revelation when I read this Bible verse during a recent morning devotion. The Holy Spirit was speaking in “the fellowship of His sufferings.” I had my usual gut reaction: Do I really want to suffer? NO! I try to avoid suffering! Then it hit me. We all suffer. “The rain falls on the just and unjust alike” (Matthew 5:45). But will I choose to fellowship with Christ in my suffering? Will I look for what He is trying to teach me? Will I praise God from this rocky, rainy place?

Rebekah, Elektra and me (very glad to be done) with the 2013 Run for Triumph.

For me, this has been a season of trials. My daughters have had various painful struggles, some of them typical teen and young adult challenges and a few more onerous obstacles. I experienced a month of health problems and uncertainty that made me weak and unable to do a lot. Not running made me grumpy, but I was exhausted from taking the trash out. Not knowing also made me grumpy.  Where would this suffering lead?

As I look in the rear-view mirror at more than 30 years of following Christ, I can see that God uses suffering in my life to get me less self-reliant and more God-reliant. I want to “consider it joy” when I suffer because I know God will use it. I’m not saying that I like it or look forward to it, or anything crazy like that. But I can trust Him to use it.

This morning I got a devotion via email (TGIF: Prime Time with God) that talked about Joseph and how he named his son Ephraim “because God has made me fruitful in my land of suffering.” – Genesis 41:52. Writer Os Hillman writes, “Samson had great anointing but lacked character. We see many today who have great anointing yet lack character. But God is raising up Josephs who not only have great anointing for these days but also great character. Suffering produces character.”

I am reminded of the Bible passage: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance,  character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us.” – Romans 5:3-5

Where will your suffering lead? Physical training (like running) is often difficult and sometimes painful (especially as I get older), but it usually produces desirable results. Likewise, will my suffering be wasted or will I go to God in my distress so I become more like Christ?

Rachel Scott (rachelschallenge.org)

As a writer, I often think about the power of words.

My day job is to cover news and events in the Keller school district for the Keller Citizen and the Star-Telegram. On Friday, I went to Timberview Middle School in Fort Worth for “Rachel’s Challenge” a global anti-bullying campaign started by the family of Rachel Scott, the first person killed in the 1999 shootings at Columbine High School.

Like “The Diary of Anne Frank,” the words Rachel wrote in her journals, and in a school essay, are reaching millions of people. Her plea to “start a chain reaction of kindness” lives on. Judging by the tears and compassion I saw from young teens on Friday as they hugged each other and passed out Kleenex, Rachel’s message made a difference.

One of the key parts of Rachel’s Challenge to teens is to “speak with kindness.” As the presenter talked about the power of words, how a criticism can crush and a compliment can uplift, I thought of the phrase “speak life.”

Snippets of the song “Speak Life” started to go through my head, and when I tweeted about Rachel’s Challenge, I typed #speaklife. I wasn’t super familiar with the song but had heard it a number of times on the radio.

The following morning as I went over my notes and finished writing my story on Rachel’s Challenge, I read “words can hurt or heal.” Again, “Speak life” was running through my brain. You know, like when you can’t get a song out of your head and it starts to get a bit annoying?

I finished my story and put on my running clothes. I didn’t want to run far, and since I needed the extra motivation of a scenic route, I decided to hop in the car with my ever-eager running buddy, Elektra, and take a five-minute drive to a nearby park with awesome trails. What came on the radio as I pulled out of my neighborhood? You guessed it, Tobymac’s “Speak Life.” I didn’t even know it was a Tobymac song until I got home and looked it up on YouTube.

“Speak Life” by Tobymac

You are so funny, God! Just in case I wanted to ignore it, He wanted to make sure I got the message. Speak Life. As I began to run with my crazy canine companion, I thought about God’s call to Speak Life is also a call on my life to Write Life.

God wants us to Speak Life because He has given us “the message of reconciliation:”

¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

– 1 Corinthinas 5:18-20

The Bible is chock full of commands, warnings, and promises surrounding the words we speak. I Googled “Bible verses on the power of words” and was rewarded/humbled with a “Top 100” list.

First, Proverbs 18:21  reminded me “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Second was “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”- Eph. 4:29.

Words matter. How can you Speak Life to someone who needs to hear it today?

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” – Ephesians 6:13

It turns out that Pat Benatar was right. Love IS a battlefield. But wait, there’s more. Life is a battlefield, too.

For months now, I have been slogging along through the trenches. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of blue sky or the scent of flowers in the breeze. But mostly there’s been battles and mud and heavy loads.

Some of it, I’m sure, is my own doing. A byproduct of my own  sometimes dysfunctional approach to challenges. But a lot of it is out of my control. I see the struggles and suffering of those I hold dear, and I feel like I’m caught in a battle.

Bad things happen to loved ones, sometimes for no reason we can grasp. What do we do then? We need to come along side them. Get down in the muddy, broken places and fight for love. The Lord doesn’t want us to abandon one another in the midst of war. He calls us to put on His armor. To carry His message of hope and grace in the trenches.

“Experiencing the abundant life God intends for us does not mean that our lives will be problem-free. On the contrary, life is a series of problems that often act as obstacles to our search for significance, and the abundant life is the experience of God’s love, forgiveness, and power in the midst of these problems… It often seems that unsuspecting believers are the last to know this battle is occurring, and they don’t know that Christ has ultimately won the war. They are surprised and confused by difficulties, thinking that the Christian life is a playground, not a battlefield.” – The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee

I haven’t posted on my blog in so long because I have been down in the trenches battling. I wanted to come to you after overcoming the challenges, but the challenges remain. Days turning to weeks turning to months.

God prompted me to send you a missive from the mud. He wouldn’t leave me alone about it. It’s gotten kind of annoying. I’ve tried to ignore Him (la, la, la, I didn’t hear that). He’s telling me I missed the point. His people need to get real with each other, not hide behind the quick “I’m fine.”

I don’t know what battles you’re facing today, but here’s the good news. Christ has already won the war! All these difficulties will not prevail against the believer. There is hope not just over the horizon but in the trenches.

^” But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”              –  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Did you see that? The power comes from God, not from us. I don’t know why bad things happen, but I do know that God will use the struggles in your life for His glory and your hope, if you let Him.

Here it is again from Beth Moore: “We have to get down on our knees in the hardship of our circumstances and apply God’s Word to the most difficult places, believing God will bring a harvest.” – Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent

The other day in the midst of a trying day (week, month, year), I took our crazy hyper German Shepherd-Border Collie mix Elektra on a run through the park. I was awestruck and amazed by the fall colors I saw there. Vivid yellow leaves fluttering to the ground around us, trees ablaze in amber made even more brilliant against the leaden overcast sky.

The autumn beauty. The laughter of children. A lovely little loaf of pumpkin bread from a friend. God’s gifts to me in the trenches.

Two more from Beth Moore:

“Jesus is the author of connection. Satan is the author of isolation. The more our enemy takes us captive, the further we distance ourselves from healthy people.”

“Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change, but the circumstances of our hearts are changed in the midst of them through a keen sense of God’s presence and a lively perception of His activity.” (both from Stepping Up)

Let’s not push each other away or try to hide when fighting a war. Let’s reach out and look out for one another. Carry one another’s burdens in prayer.  Brothers and sisters in arms.

When you are truly battling, you remember what’s important. Worldly wealth and success pale in comparison with God’s persistent pursuing love for us. We are reminded of His mission: walking in His love and sharing it with others.

“I wait for the Lord. I wait and I put my hope in His word. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning — more than watchmen for the morning. [Believer], put your hope in the Lord. For with the Lord there is unfailing love, and with Him there is redemption.” – Psalm 130:5-7

My daughter Rachel, now a senior at Texas A&M, wrote a poem in class the day after 9/11/2001. Here’s a story about it from Dave Lieber, then a columnist for the Star-Telegram and now with the Dallas Morning News.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
– Matthew 5:4

Flags on Academic Plaza at Texas A&M on Sept. 11, 2013. Courtesy of @TAMU

LIEBER: We should listen to the compelling words of a 9-year-old from Keller whose eloquence about the greatest tragedy of our time is so comforting and wise.

It is a simple, eloquent 106-word poem that sums up the thoughts of a nation.

Rachel Engelland, 9-year-old daughter of Shawn and Sandra Engelland of Keller, caused tears of sadness and pride in teachers and staff Wednesday at Shady Grove Elementary School when she took her assignment to write in her journal and created a work of art.

The teachers at Shady Grove had been careful Tuesday not to let the children learn too much about the terrorist attacks on America.

“We kept it as normal as possible, ” Principal Jayne Flores said.

When Rachel’s mother picked her up as part of a carpool Tuesday, Rachel said, “Mommy, I heard that a couple of airplanes crashed into this building. Do you know anything about it?”

“We’ll talk about it later, not when I’m carpooling, ” her mother answered. “I have to watch the traffic.”

“Oh, OK, ” the girl said.

Rachel was surprised to see her father home from work. Like many others, Shawn Engelland, a NASA aerospace engineer, was released from his job early.

“We need to talk to you about something, ” he said when Rachel walked in. “This is really serious.”

The father and mother sat Rachel and her little sister, Rebekah, down in the living room and turned on the television. He showed them the videotape of the hijacked airplanes crashing into the innocence of Americans.

The family said a prayer, and Rachel, who began to feel sad, went out for an afternoon bicycle ride.

“I decided I needed a break, ” she said.

Tuesday night, she had difficulty sleeping. “I said a prayer, ” she said, asking: “God, please help me through the night. Please help me calm down. And please help the people who are in trouble.”

She awoke Wednesday morning and her first thought was, “Whoa, it really happened!”

She dressed in tan overalls and a rose-colored shirt and headed off to school, where she watched as the flag was lowered to half-staff.

In Rachel’s class, her teacher, Paula Brownlee, talked about patriotism. The students stood and sang the national anthem. Then Brownlee asked the students to write in their journals.

Rachel wrote a poem which she titled, It All Came at Such a Cost.

The poem goes like this:

Yes, a lot of lives were lost, It all came at such a cost.

There wasn’t anything one could do,

But I hope you know I’m praying for you.

Yes, those lost were loved the most,

But if we hold hands from coast to coast,

And sing, sing, sing,

Let the church bells ring, ring, ring,

We’ll lift each other up so high.

We’ll soar like eagles in the sky.

All the nations will see how we behave.

We’re the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The World Trade Center is gone, lives are lost.

It all came at such a cost.

When she was done, she read the poem aloud in class. Her teacher cried. Her classmates applauded. Then other teachers who were shown the poem cried, too.

“I wrote it to comfort people, ” the little girl said.

Please share it with your friends and loved ones. Tell them that among some of the wisest people in our great land is a little girl from Keller, Texas, who wrote so eloquently what so many of us feel and what we all need to hear.

It was the moment I had been dreading for almost a year.

We had gotten into Lawrence about noon and fought through the traffic jam around the Daisy Hill dorms. We climbed five flights of stairs over and over again in the sticky summer heat, unloading boxes of books and dishes, bags of linens and clothes. Then we went for a late lunch and ran some errands, buying a few things we hadn’t packed, delaying our departure.

But suddenly it was upon us. I gave Rebekah a quick hug so she couldn’t see the tears in my eyes and said I’d talk to her later. Then Shawn and I hopped in the Durango and drove off. It was a quick parting because it was too hard to prolong it. Like a Band aid, you just want to rip that sucker off. I couldn’t bear a long goodbye.

This wasn’t my first “drop and dash” of leaving a kid at college, so I knew what to expect. We took Rachel to College Station three years ago, and it was hard. Well, it didn’t get any easier the second time around. If anything, it was more gut-wrenching because I had more of an idea what that hole in our home would be like.

I still have one more chickadee in my nest, so I’m still in the trenches of day-to-day parenting: homework struggles, chore nagging, and striving to be on time to piano lessons. I’m reminding myself to enjoy the moments because they are fleeting (or to say under my breath, “this, too, shall pass”).

At the same time, Shawn and I are trying to parent our college girls from afar because–GUESS WHAT?– they still need help to grow into responsible adults. Questions, suggestions, and a listening ear have replaced a lot of the rules and demands for them to listen to us.

The parenting journey hasn’t gotten a whole lot easier, just different. The big change? We have very little control over what happens to college kids who are 200 or 500 miles away. It’s enough to make a mom mope.

This is where faith found me. The week I was taking Rebekah to KU, I just happened to be on the section about faith in “The Purple Book: Biblical Foundations for Building Strong Disciples.”

This was a book recommended at my church, Northwood. At first, I thought it was good stuff for baby Christians but not all that compelling for someone who’d been a believer for more than 30 years. I was wrong. The whole book is looking up a lot of Bible verses and writing short responses. God’s word is “living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword (Heb. 4:12).” Whenever you’re in God’s word with an open heart and mind, expect to get called out.

Quite a few of those verses whopped me up side the head. I’ll pull out just a few.

What is faith? “The reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” -Heb. 11:1

Faith is a choice to believe God and trust in His Son, Jesus (Gal. 2:16).

“Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have also obtained access through Him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.” – Rom. 5:1-2

From faith in Christ come peace with God, grace that keeps me standing when otherwise I would be knocked flat, and joy in the hope of God’s glory, even in the moment you drive away from your baby. God can be glorified in me when I trust Him with these monumental changes. He has wonderful plans for my girls (Jer. 29:11), and I can trust Him with their futures.

Change is a constant part of life, and whether you’re 18 or 48 or 81 you have a choice. Will you choose worry and fear or believe that God’s got your back no matter what?

Here’s another passage that grabbed me and won’t let loose:

“For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” – 1 John 5:3-5

The day before I left for Lawrence, I wrote in my Purple Book, “I am reminded that faith leads to obedience. Faith conquers the world. Love is connected to faith and faith to obedience and obedience to victory.”

Even though my role as a mom is in transition, God still has plenty for me to do. My faith in Him grows as I keep His commands. The more I love Jesus and do what He calls me to do, the more I conquer the fear and sin that can trip me up. I trust God with my future and the futures of my children, so I keep following His lead through the changes.

God’s got my back, no matter what. That, my friends, is victory.

This looks just like the turntable in my stereo from 1983. What a great high school graduation gift!

Do you ever feel like God’s got your life in broken record mode? Now I know if you’re under 30, you may not understand the reference, but a broken–or scratched–vinyl album plays the same short phrase over and over again until you get up and move the needle to a new song.

I’ve been in a funk lately, unmotivated to pursue projects around the house because they often take too long and cost too much or get undone too soon. Weeds will just grow up and choke out my garden, so why bother? I allowed criticism of my writing to deflate my inspiration instead of spur me towards improvement. Will I ever be good enough to make a real impact?

Family Milestone: Rachel receives her Aggie Ring!

As a mom I wonder, “Where did all the time go?” Rachel is finishing her junior year in college, Rebekah will graduate from high school next month, and Anna will get her learner’s permit this summer. The last one for Shawn to teach to drive (Lord, bless him!). We’ve passed so many milestones of parenthood and the truly hands-on days are mostly behind us. And the hands-off days might be tougher than the hands-on days because you have so little control.

Why have I been feeling this dissatisfaction with the way my life is going? I’d like to think it’s because God wants to do something new with me, and that’s what the broken record messages keep telling me, too.

In cell group, we just started the book “Interrupted,” by Jen Hatmaker. She talks about feeling spiritually dry and how that prompted her to ask God to give her a holy passion. God called her and her husband to a whole new ministry reaching out to the poor in her community.

The last several weeks at Northwood Church, Pastor Bob Roberts talked about exchanging failure for success, Pastor Phuc Dang preached on replacing rejection with acceptance, and today Pastor Jim Hylton spoke on walking in confidence instead of condemnation. Now this is not some prosperity “name it and claim it” gospel. God is saying to me that His definition of success is not the world’s definition. The antidote to rejection is my personal experience of Jesus’ resurrection–new life in Him trumps everything. Our confidence is in God because He set us free from condemnation.

One more broken record moment… Jill Roberts, Northwood’s local outreach pastor, posted this on her Facebook page yesterday, but I didn’t read it until today when I was sitting down to write this post: “Sometimes we focus so much on ridding ourselves of the matters that worry us and don’t recognize that dwelling on these thoughts consume our minds and distract us from moving forward. Once we refocus our attention outward, peace awaits in the opportunities to bless and serve others.”

Everything of lasting value comes down to love: loving God and loving others. My relationship with God should come first and inform everything else I do as a homemaker, writer, and mother.

“God is love, and the man whose life is lived in love does, in fact, live in God, and God does, in fact, live in him. So our love for him grows more and more, filling us with complete confidence for the day when he shall judge all men—for we realize that our life in this world is actually his life lived in us.” — 1 John 4:16b-17 (J.B. Phillips translation)

I should take steps to make my home a place of joy and peace as a way to show love to my family, but I shouldn’t feel like a failure when I see the weeds taking over. Get out and pull a few and be thankful for my little plot of ground!

God gave me the desire to write to encourage others, so if I’m not writing then I am ignoring His call on my life. I should use criticism to help improve what I do and not be paralyzed by rejection. What I do with my writing may or may not look like success to the world. My job is to keep seeking the Lord and communicating what He reveals to me.

Not exactly a brood, but a gaggle is close, right? Family of Canadian geese by the pond behind my house.

I could dwell on the emptying nest, or I can be thankful for my brood. Sending children out into the world is a call to become more of a prayer warrior, right? While my role as a mom is in transition, I need to be faithful to keep loving my family in every stage and looking for the new opportunities as I realize that my life in this world is actually His life lived in me. Looking upward to God and outward to love on His children will put a new song in my heart.