Monthly Archives: May 2016

Are you in my club?

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I belong to a huge club with many members, but every one of us would rather be someplace else. We didn’t choose this club. It chose us.

I come from a family deeply scarred by mental illness. My father fought bipolar disorder for decades. He battled what he thought was depression for much of my childhood until a manic break from reality (the first of many) while I was in college divulged the true nature of his disease. His father spent many years in mental hospitals.

Dad and me in our backyard in Wichita.

Dad and me in our backyard in Wichita.

Dad and his dad, Floyd Leon Crider Jr. and Floyd Leon Crider Sr., on the dairy farm near Krum, Texas

Dad and his dad, Floyd Leon Crider Jr. and Floyd Leon Crider Sr., on the dairy farm near Krum, Texas

I’m not excited about writing this post, but I know it needs to be done. Good bloggers connect with their tribe. They take what they’ve experienced and attempt to turn it into lessons to encourage others. The problem with mental illness is that there is still a lot of stigma and ignorance out there. And people don’t enjoy talking about it because it sucks. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t use foul language and “sucks” crosses a line for me (my apologies to my southern mama who raised me to despise cuss words). But there’s something deep within my gut that mourns the havoc mental illness created in my family.

Without thinking long or hard at all, I can recall loved ones with depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD,  personality disorder, bulimia, addictions… You get the idea. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), one out of five Americans experience a mental illness. Of those ages 13 to 18, 20 percent have a mental health condition.

In our upper middle class suburb of 43,000 souls here in DFW, two teenagers have taken their own lives in the last month. Of those who die from suicide, 90 percent have an underlying mental illness. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States.

People, we need to seek out the mentally ill among us and show them love. We need to support their families. When someone breaks an arm or is diagnosed with cancer, everyone rallies around them. We don’t understand diseases of the mind. They don’t make sense because they are by their essence irrational. We need to rally anyway. We can listen and hug.

Part of showing love is putting ourselves out there as members of this club, both those who have loved a mentally ill person and those who have suffered themselves.

May is mental health month, and I feel the need to make sure others know about my membership in this not-at-all exclusive club. The way to reduce the stigma and ignorance is to be open about our struggles and to encourage those who are open with us.

Want to know more?

Here are a few resources:

  • More information on NAMI and mental health issues: nami.org
  • TED Talks on mental health
  • Kay and Rick Warren, who lost their son to suicide, now champion mental health issues in the church: hope4mentalhealth.com

So who is with me? Are you in my club?

Lessons from the back of the pack

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Last weekend, my 21-year-old daughter Rebekah and I ran our first half marathon. We’d done races of 9 miles and 10 miles, but we’d never done 13.1 miles. We decided to use Shawn’s frequent flyer miles (Thanks, Honey!) and go to a run outside of Boston and do some sightseeing before and after the big run

The day before the race, we had a great time walking the Freedom Trail in Boston and carb loading at a cafe in Little Italy. Our waitress’s accent — she called me “doll”–added to the fun. After our run, we drove up to Maine and found a little town on the coast for chowder, lobster rolls and shopping. Rebekah said she preferred “Murder She Wrote” New England over “Cheers” Boston, but both venues were fun.

As for the run, it was HARD. The morning was cold and drizzly, fog shrouding the namesake pair of lighthouses on the course. There were more hills between Gloucester and Rockport than we find between Keller and North Richland Hills (despite the name).

race start

Cold start in the upper 30s. Welcome to May in New England. Obviously, I am selfie challenged.

Did I mention that it was long? Map My Run, which lined up with all their mile markers, told me the race was actually 13.3 miles. When you’re ready to be done, two-tenths of a mile matters. We kept going and only walked a little bit and finished with a better time than we expected, although well back into the pack of runners, many of whom sported “Boston Athletic Association” Boston Marathon gear. For you non-runners, you only get to run the Boston Marathon by getting a very fast qualifying time IN ANOTHER MARATHON or by having run it more than 15 times.

Towards the end of the race when every muscle hurt

Towards the end of the race when every muscle hurt

The point I want to make is that right now I’m having to run a spiritual endurance race in certain areas. I’ve prayed and sought God’s guidance, but the struggle remains. Unlike a real race, I’m not sure where to find the finish line. But I can trust God to give me the power to endure and keep going.

One of the best things about a road race is the camaraderie. Fellow runners encourage one another and people cheer for you along the course and at the water stations to boost your spirits. At the Mile 9 water station last weekend, a woman called Rebekah and me her “two favorite runners of the day.” It didn’t matter that we were near the back of the pack and she may have said it a couple dozen times, we felt better.

In the body of Christ, we can cheer for the well-known pastors and authors, the speakers who fill stadiums and lead hundreds to faith, but we should also encourage those who are struggling. Those who are dealing with marital strife, sick parents, colicky babies, bad grades, prodigal sons and daughters. We should look for ways to bless others with a cup of water and a few kind words in the middle of whatever marathon they are running.

Because everyone has challenges. Call it pruning, call it the results of bad choices (sometimes not even our own), call it living in a fallen world. That’s the bad news. But here’s the good news. In Christ, we have victory. We may not have it in our hands yet, but we can hold it in our hearts. We know that He gives us power, love and self-control when we seek Him, not fear and anxiety (2 Timothy 1:7).

So run your race, my friends, and don’t forget to encourage others, especially those at the back of the pack.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1

Not sure if I've ever been more glad to see the Finish Line.

Not sure if I’ve ever been more glad to see the Finish Line.