Love ’em or hate ’em, we’ve got goals

Posted on January 22, 2017 by sandra

It’s been more than eight weeks since my last blog post, so I’m cringing as I review my goals for 2016. One of my primary goals was to blog weekly. By that standard, epic fail.

But I don’t want to focus on failure, I’d rather look at progress.

In 2016, I published 22 posts. One of the reasons I stopped posting was because I’m preparing to launch a new blog. I’ve written four as yet unpublished posts for the new blog and spent MANY hours planning and learning how I can make my next blog better. That means I wrote 26 blog posts in 2016. How many did I post in 2015? Seven.

I’m going to say I halfway achieved my goal and made good progress.

Last January, I had a list of ten goals, and I only fully achieved two of them. One was to run a half marathon, which my daughter Rebekah and I did in May on a misty, bone-chilling morning from Gloucester to Rockport, Mass., and back.

A half marathon struck me as very long. I’d do it again. Maybe. A marathon? I can’t see that happening. I don’t like to punish myself that much.

The other one was to lose five pounds. Now I know most of you are probably going to hate me a little (or a lot) right now, but it was the first time in my life that I tried to lose weight. I’ve always been one of those disgusting people who could eat whatever they wanted without getting heavier. I used to come home in tears because I was a rail-thin kid who got teased and had a lot of nicknames (Bones, Spider, and this very creative one named after a popular kids’ game at the time: Pick Up Sticks). My revenge was as I progressed through my 20s and 30s, I didn’t have to watch my weight.

When I was pregnant with Rachel, I had a hard time putting on weight and my doctor told me to consume shakes and malts and multiple desserts. I gained less than 20 pounds total and Rachel weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces. Once I gave birth, my abdomen would never be the same, but my weight didn’t change much.

Going home from the hospital with newborn baby Rachel. Talk about terror. You mean they’re really going to send us home with her?

Funny thing about getting older, your metabolism slows down, and it finally caught up with even good ol’ Pick Up Sticks. In my 40s it started to inch up, maybe just a pound a year. Nothing too concerning, but one day your favorite pair of jeans refuse to button.

I decided I would join hubby Shawn in a show of solidarity and diet with him in January. Shawn has succeeded multiple times in losing weight simply by counting calories. I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app on my phone and started tracking. After a month, I’d hit my goal of losing five pounds.

I did pretty well at maintaining my weight while I was training for the half marathon. Running 10 miles at a time will do that for you. But later in the year, the scale began a discouraging climb. From Halloween through New Years was just a whole lot of holiday indulging, which meant I gained back almost everything I lost.

Self-control is hard, y’all. That’s why I think it comes last on this list:

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23

I’ve heard that the fruits of the Spirit build upon one another. Self-control without love, joy, peace and the rest can quickly turn into self-righteous legalism. In this life, we’re never going to achieve perfection in the fruits of the Spirit. But that doesn’t mean we stop working on it.

More important than the deliberate attention to physical health is the conscientious focus on spiritual health. If I’m not spending time seeking the Lord in reading the Bible, praying and looking for His hand at work around me so I can join Him, the fruits of the Spirit are going to be withering instead of thriving.

One of the most beautiful aspects of following Christ is that spiritual fitness doesn’t have to decline as you advance in years. At 51, I am not able to run as I did at 21 or 31 or 41. My body is wearing out. My knees ache on the trail and my hips complain when I sit cross-legged on the floor. Science and experience tell us we lose muscle mass, flexibility and skin tone as we age.

There are no such barriers to spiritual health. I can be more of a prayer warrior at 80 that I was at 40.

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. – 2 Corinthians 4: 16-17

So I want to have a new goal this year of drawing closer to Jesus. What does that look like in practical terms? A good goal should be measurable.

One I’d like to accomplish this year is to read through the Bible. I’ve been involved in a lot of Bible studies in recent years, but it’s been a while since I’ve deliberately read the Good Book cover to cover. I’ve started by using a reading plan on biblegateway.com.

On New Year’s Day at Northwood Church, Pastor Bob Roberts challenged us to read through the Bible in 2017. He reads it every year and says he reads three chapters in the Old Testament and one in the New Testament. He mixes it up between the historical chapters in the OT and the wisdom literature (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon) and alternates between the Gospels and the Epistles. He’ll read through Matthew, then go to Romans, then to Mark…you get the idea.

As far as other resolutions, from a spiritual standpoint, I decided to choose one word as my focus for 2017. My word is grace, both God’s unmerited favor and the Holy Spirit empowering me to do His will.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Cor. 12:9

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

What about you? Do you have a resolution or a word for the year?

Turning in my “active duty mom card”

Posted on June 5, 2016 by sandra

Last weekend this mom survived two big milestones.

Anna, my youngest, graduated from high school on Saturday. Two days later, she turned 18.

In honor of her old favorite "Junie Bl Jones" books, Anna C. Engelland is a graduation girl!

In honor of her old favorite “Junie B. Jones” books, Anna C. Engelland is a graduation girl!

In just the space of 48 hours, I had no more K-12 kiddos and no more minor children. It’s enough to make a mama swoon.

I’d been simultaneously anticipating and dreading those moments for many months (years?). I wanted to celebrate my daughter, whose impish, strong-willed, fierce-loving start hinted at the creative, determined, fierce-loving young woman she would become.

But a part of me feels like I’m turning in my “active duty mom card” because technically, all three of my kids are adults. I’m mourning the passage of the era of raising kids. I’ve been at it for almost a quarter of a century, but sometimes it seems to have passed in a blur.

The first kid graduation I celebrated was my oldest daughter completing kindergarten. That was almost exactly 18 years ago because my youngest was born just a day and a half later. I tell a lot of people that I never drank coffee until the youngest arrived. I had a first grader, a preschooler and a colic-prone baby. That’s a certain recipe for sleep deprivation, making caffeine an essential part of my daily diet.

Rachel, 6, cuddling with her one day old baby sister.

Rebekah at 3 1/2 gets a kick out of holding her newborn sister for the first time. Anna, not so much.

Boarding the Trinity Railway Express to Dallas in 2001: Anna, 3, in her "lay-o" Veggie Tales dress lovingly made by GrandBette, Rachel, 9, carrying her own camera, and Rebekah, 6, sporting the Powerpuff Girls T.

Boarding the Trinity Railway Express to Dallas in 2001: Anna, 3, in her favorite outfit, a “lay-o” Veggie Tales dress lovingly made by GrandBette; Rachel, 9, carrying the family video camera while holding her sisters’ hands (typical oldest child stuff); and Rebekah, 6, sporting the Powerpuff Girls T.

Now the sleep deprivation comes from hot flashes or because I’m worrying about one or more of the young adult children. What you don’t realize as a young parent looking ahead is that your job isn’t really over when they turn 18 or graduate from high school.

As your kids grow up, you give them more and more responsibility. You coach and hope and pray that they have faith in God and in themselves.*

They make mistakes. A lot of them. You make mistakes. A lot of them. But the older they get, the more you realize that you as a parent have very little control. You transition from a very “hands on” role to more of an advisory capacity. You have been and always will be one of your child’s primary role models. They will do what you do or vow to be nothing like you.

I hate to break the news to all you young parents out there, but parenting older teens and young adults can be harrowing at best, heartbreaking at worst. Sometimes when you want to rush in and rescue, you stand back and wait. You keep your mouth shut when you long to give the 142nd lecture on a topic. You pray more for your kids than when they were little because the challenges are huge and the solutions are out of your hands.

But in all that, you get to see your child becoming. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed, so you can’t expect total “adulting” dominance, but you see glimpses of how the soft-hearted child becomes the compassionate young adult, or the obstinate, strong-willed kid becomes the determined, focused 18-year-old.

When they struggle, you seek God all the more and focus on the long haul. You look for glimmers of hope and choose to count blessings. And you choose to love.

*Jesus teaches in Matthew 22 that faith is powered by love:

³⁶“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

³⁷Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’^[a] ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] ⁴⁰The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Rachel’s graduation in 2010. Great smiles from all my girls.

Rebekah’s graduation in 2013. Two down, one to go!

A happy day celebrating our last Keller High School graduation.

How you can grow into your purpose

Posted on April 17, 2016 by sandra

Forsythia in bloom at The Rock Shop in Orderville, Utah, one of many rock shops in the town of 572 folks. We didn’t stop and smell the roses on our recent spring break. We stopped for the rocks.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
– Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)

News flash: I get frustrated with myself and my lack of progress on multiple fronts. Over and over and over and over… You get the picture.

– I want to keep to my resolution to blog weekly, but I’m not meeting that goal.
– I want to do a better job getting rid of clutter and cleaning my home, but the piles of doodads and dust bunnies continue to grow.
– I want to tackle the 87 home improvement projects that should be done, but there don’t seem to be enough hours or energy to do them.

I could add many more, but it makes me tired just thinking about all those unaccomplished tasks.

I have these two voices that creep into my brain. I’ll call them Martha and Stanley.

Martha had a plethora of pin-worthy ideas long before Pinterest. I’m not Martha, and “it’s a good thing.”

The Martha voice is like Martha Stewart. She wants elaborate dinner parties, a garden bursting with flowers to array in vases and tomatoes to can in jars and a home with lovely decor and floors clean enough to not worry about the five second rule (I remember reading where Martha said the only way to clean floors is on your hands and knees. She knew her daughter had truly taken her words to heart when she found the young woman on her hands and knees cleaning the garage floor. FOR REAL. THE GARAGE FLOOR). That’s the voice of the domestic diva, the homemaking ninja, the paragon of Pinterest, roles to which I aspire in my more delusional moments.

Here’s Stanley, pencil and puzzle book in hand, unashamedly avoiding the work of the day.

Then there’s Stanley, as in Stanley Hudson from the TV show “The Office.” Stanley wanted to sit in the corner and do his crossword puzzles and have everyone leave him alone. He wanted to get by doing as little work as humanly possible. Sometimes that’s me. I look around and see the dishes that are piled in the sink AGAIN, the blog post on my “to do” list (real or only in my head) that didn’t get written AGAIN, the cluttered room that there’s no point in decorating when it’s such a mess AGAIN and I want to find a crossword or an episode of “The Office” and bury myself in it.

Y’all, both of these voices need to be evicted from our heads. These are really two sides of the same coin: perfectionism in what I want and disappointment when I can’t meet those goals. When we get caught up in perfectionism, we lose the joy of appreciating the world in all of its imperfect glory. We are MESSED UP and God loves us anyway. That’s grace. But this doesn’t mean that we give up on the work God’s given us to do. We keep moving forward in spite of our struggles. That’s faith. Although taking a break from work and chores is healthy, allowing discouragement to keep us from making progress is not.

I’m learning that I should not be focused on perfection or how miserably I fail. My focus should be on loving God and showing his love to others. Even though I am a daydreamer creative type lacking in organizational skills and focus, I can take steps in the right direction.

Ten minutes spent dusting in an imperfect manner is better than no dusting at all. Doing one small part of a big project (like spraying Roundup on the weeds and grass that have overtaken my garden) beats the frustration that I don’t have the time to tackle the whole thing or guilt over allowing it to languish and deteriorate. Writing and posting on my blog even when I lack the fire of inspiration is better than giving in to discouragement.

Doing imperfect things is better for my psyche than waiting for the perfect time or situation.

We don’t always get to choose how well a project turns out and we certainly don’t get to choose how others receive our efforts, but we can choose to move forward. My faith on its own shrivels up. It grows when I choose to do something that God has called me to do. We’re always going to have interruptions, usually people, who want us to do something else. We need to ask the Lord for wisdom in knowing if we ought to pause and oblige or stay the course. Sometimes God calls us to rest, too, and that’s an important part of faith.

This is a cedar waxwing in the ornamental pear tree outside my office window. I love that little berry-eating bandit!

²⁵“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” – Matthew 6: 25-27 (NLT)

Really what we’re doing here is learning to listen and follow, rest and rejoice. Rinse and repeat. Here’s how we keep hope alive: not by being perfect nor giving in to discouragement but by trusting and obeying.

Will you join me in tackling the messy, imperfect life around us knowing that God is in control? Don’t listen to Martha or Stanley and enjoy the unique place God has positioned you. Achieving your God-given purpose is sharing his love using your gifts, your talents and your place right now.

How to know when you have confirmation

Posted on February 2, 2016 by sandra

^“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” -James 1:2-4

So last week I talked about waiting on an answer/waiting out a storm.
I posted my blog entry last Sunday night, not knowing that I’d encounter a different kind of storm the next morning.
On the previous Friday, my boss said that her boss wanted to meet with me on Monday, but she didn’t have any details. In the newspaper business, when the editor wants to meet with you and the details are sketchy, you have every right to be concerned.
When I arrived at the appointed time, he hustled me down to Human Resources. I figured I knew what was coming. Profits in newspapers are shrinking like the waistlines on “The Biggest Loser.”
They were doing away with several full-time positions in the newsroom, and I was one of them. Fortunately, they offered me the option of resuming my part-time gig because they were happy with my work and still needed someone to cover schools.

One of the many cool stories I got to cover was on local beekeepers.

Part of me was sad that the side of my job going away was the magazine feature writing. But another part of me believed this was an answer to prayer.
We’ve been studying “Discerning the Voice of God: How to Recognize When God Speaks” by Priscilla Shirer in our Tuesday morning Northwood women’s group.
Priscilla’s 5 M’s of correctly hearing God are:

Look for the message of the Spirit
Live in the mode of prayer
Search out the model of Scripture
Submit to the ministry of Eli
Expect the mercy of confirmation

Priscilla asked us to write down in the back of our study guides “circumstances troubling me” at the moment. After a few really big ones I won’t mention here, I had listed “What to do with my writing.”

I’ve been feeling the call to write, but with all the time and energy I spent crafting these huge feature stories, I felt played out. On magazine deadline weeks, sitting down at the keyboard to do MORE writing was not appealing. I decided that I wouldn’t let my full-time job completely derail my other writing and made the New Year’s Resolution to post weekly on my blog. But I still wasn’t able to invest the kind of effort I’d really like to make.

I asked God to give me direction in how to proceed. Did he want me to focus more on the blog? If so, he was going to have to help me figure out what in my schedule would be replaced. Women, repeat after me: “I can’t do it all.” And if you try, you’re going to drive some folks crazy (like those closest to you, and maybe even the one in the mirror).

Not so coincidentally, I just read Lysa TerKeurst’s insightful book, “The Best Yes.” Every time we pick up a new commitment, we’ve got to put another one down.

When I was sitting there in H.R. hearing that my full-time gig was going away, I almost smiled. No, I wasn’t happy to be taking a major cut in pay. We are beyond blessed that we don’t require that extra income. We will just tighten our belts a bit. Not everyone is that fortunate. If you’ve read to this point (THANKS!), you can say a prayer for my colleagues who lost their jobs.

With the study on discerning God’s direction, I realized that the circumstances were providing confirmation (and more time) to pursue my own blogging and other writing.

After the better part of the week marveling at the Lord’s working in my life and (not gonna lie) still mourning a little that my big feature writing stint is coming to an end for now, I heard this song from our Praise Team on Sunday morning.

“All things are working for my good ’cause He’s intentional, never failing…”

Gotta love that God pursues us constantly to remind us of His never failing love.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

A comic in my own mind: embracing my inner goofball

Posted on November 15, 2015 by sandra

Here’s one thing I’ve learned over the years: if you learn to laugh at yourself, you’ll find a lot more humor in life. I like to laugh, and the older I get, the more I’m inclined to laugh at my own mistakes.

The Bible says laughter is good medicine. I think the Proverbs 31 woman was able to laugh at the future because she knew enough to find humor in her own gaffes. People who take themselves too seriously weigh on others. Instead, let your humor be that shot in the arm that lightens their steps, right?

Every once in a while, I’ll do something funny enough to share with others. Go ahead! Laugh at my airheadedness! It’s got healing properties.

Twice in the span of a few weeks, I was a comic in my own mind.

The first one involved my curly often out-of-control hair. The other day, I swear I looked like BTTF’s Doc Brown, only dyed blonde. Daughter Anna showed me a can of dry shampoo that she’d quit using because it wasn’t dry enough. A few days later, I wanted to try it to see if it would help tame my wild locks in between real shampoos. I went to the girls’ bathroom and grabbed the can of spray, shook it vigorously and spritzed my hair. It wasn’t too wet and toned down the frizz. A pretty good solution, I thought. No wonder people like this stuff. I used it probably half a dozen times.

Several weeks later, Anna asked me to buy her some more dry shampoo, and I told her I’d been using her old stuff and found it still worked okay. She picked up the can on my bathroom counter, looked at it and said, “This is not shampoo, it’s deodorant.”

No wonder I’d had such a hard time washing my hair after using the spray! I bust out with the best deep belly laugh I’d had in ages. Of course, my teenager thought I was crazy–bonus! Moms of teens, embrace that super power.

In my defense, if you look at this picture, the two cans look very similar. Also, if you are

Dry spray could be interpreted a couple of ways!

late 40s or older, you will understand that I’m really not reading a lot of fine print and directions like I used to. Most of the time, I just wing it. That way, I hardly ever need my reading glasses…

The second instance may also have been attributable to difficulty reading small print, but more likely, I was just in a hurry.

Hubby Shawn was in D.C. to give a presentation on a big project he’s leading at work. That morning, I grabbed my phone and texted “Praying for you. Love you!” and hit send. Seconds later, I heard the buzz for an incoming message.

My boss, Alice, texted me “What’s up?”

Okay, I think you can see where I’m going here. I’d just professed my love to my boss. Fortunately, she has a good sense of humor.

In my ladies’ Bible study last week, Beth Moore talked about not being a poser and not falling for posers in this information age. During my Tuesday morning run, I happened to listen to Michael Hyatt’s podcast and his co-host, Michele Cushatt was sharing what she learned about the transforming power of suffering while battling cancer. She said, “Perfection never creates connection.”

Who are we trying to impress with our Pinterest perfection? Let’s get real, people, and tell others what’s on our hearts, be it deep pain or just silly embarrassment.

Today, that means to me,

embrace your inner goofball

and the gift of laughter as you share those moments with others.

Now where did I put that deodorant?

What to do when you’ve blown it

Posted on October 7, 2015 by sandra

I went to bed last night drowning in disappointment and woke up in the wee hours with the weight of it sitting on my chest. I tried my trick of listening to the melodious voice of Max McLean reading the Psalms on biblegateway.com. He can almost always lull me back to sleep. Not this time.

Almost all of my frustrations were messes of my own doing. I said something to friends that was VERY judgmental instead of reflecting the love of Jesus.

I couldn’t resist this impromptu trashcan bouquet

My house is pretty much a wreck from one end to the other because I’m busy, and when I do have time I get discouraged because my efforts have so little impact.

I worry that my mistakes as a mom have made it harder for my young adult kids to follow God rather than easier.

Around 5 a.m., I gave up and got out of bed. I brewed my coffee and sat down with my computer, Bible and journal looking for solace. I found a Beth Moore video that included a pop quiz. One of her “true-false” questions was, “I know God loves me but I think I often disappoint Him.”

That struck a bruised spot on my heart. I disappoint myself so often that I think God must be disappointed in me, too. Beth said God isn’t disappointed because He isn’t surprised by our struggles. I didn’t catch Him off guard when I messed up.

She quoted Romans 5:5, “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

As I was looking up that verse, my eyes drifted up to 5:1. “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.”

My problem is that sometimes my faith is in the wrong place. I try to do big things (or not-so-big things) through my own efforts and I fail. I may be disappointed, but God is not. He’s saying, “Look over here, my daughter. Put your hope in me. Give me your expectations. Let me guide your steps. Don’t sit down and have a pity party or immerse yourself in distractions to avoid the difficult work ahead. Grab my hand and take a step with me. You don’t have to know the whole trip just the next step.”

As for dealing with my shortcomings, I can apologize for thoughtless words. I can wash the dishes and start a load of laundry. I can pray for my girls and look for opportunities to love them in words and actions.

And I can remember that I will never be enough, but God is. There’s a certain freedom in that.

Did you ever think of your failure as an opportunity to grow your faith?

Brave enough for the next step

Posted on September 23, 2015 by sandra

You know how sometimes you need a kick in the pants, but you don’t want one, so you avoid situations where you think God’s going to call you out on stuff? Tonight I knew I’d probably get a distinct nudge from the Holy Spirit, and I’ve been allowing myself to be mired in the rut called “I’m too busy and tired to do that.”

I went to Brave anyway and got that bop on the backside. Instead of collapsing on my couch with the next episode of “Downton Abbey” on Amazon Prime Video, I spent an hour and a half hearing God’s Word, listening for His voice, and talking with women I’d never met about the awesome power of grace to break the chains that hold us back.

God told me to let the Holy Spirit out of the closet where I’d chucked Him lately. He told me to call on the Holy Spirit to help me do the difficult things he has planned for me to do, to face fear and be brave.

My beautiful mom venturing out on a pasture trail at sunset in central Kansas.

While I was praying with the small group of women I’d never met, one of these ladies quoted a verse that has been one of my favorites for a long time because it coaxes me out of my comfort zone. I remember it being my key verse when I was in labor with each of my three children. God often brings it to my mind even now that my girls are 23, 20, and 17.

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Some translations say “a sound mind” instead of self-discipline. Some days I really need that sound mind promise and other days the self-discipline.

I believe that God calls me to use my writing to encourage others. I don’t yet know all the details, but I don’t have to know the whole journey, just the next step.

As I look to Him during the trials of this season in my life, I trust that He is at work. As Laurie Graves told us at Brave, “When we stand against the devil, we get joy and patience, and eventually, we get a testimony.”

Make no mistake, my friends. God has plans for you in this very season.

What is God calling you to do in the middle of your difficult time? This isn’t a hypothetical, by the way. If you want to comment with what God is calling you to do, your words may encourage someone else to be brave enough to take the next step.

Sandra Engelland

Cultivating peace

Category Archives: Women