Having a heart as soft as a “Jesus cookie” or as hard as an ice-covered sidewalk

Posted on February 15, 2017 by sandra

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. The day we celebrate love and candy and flowers and candy and romantic dinners and candy and cards and chocolate. Has the day left you feeling glad or sad?

Like relationships, Valentine’s Day sometimes has its melancholy moments or full-on frustrations. Maybe like Charlie Brown, no one remembered you on Valentine’s Day. Or you accidentally gave a card that was too mushy to somebody with a bad case of cooties. Or your dog ate the beautifully frosted sugar cookie hearts you made for your special Valentine. Or you broke your shoulder delivering Valentine’s Day brownies to the boy you wanted to be your Valentine, only to find out he didn’t really like brownies.

A couple of those stories represent the ghost of Valentine’s Day present and Valentine’s Day past around the Engelland house.

Anna came home from college on Saturday to make some cookies for her beau. She found a delicious recipe for gluten-free “Jesus cookies.” My daughters call those really puffy, soft sugar cookies with lots of icing and sprinkles you find in the grocery store “Jesus cookies” because they seemed to get them during Sunday School A LOT. I’ve always been a chocolate girl, so I never bought those “Lofthouse” cookies until after my daughters developed a taste for them at church, hence the name. I hope Jesus doesn’t mind having cookies named for him. Anna absolutely adores them and was excited to try a GF version, since she can’t have gluten. Here’s the recipe she used.

Anna’s “Jesus cookies” were yummy gluten-free versions of the Lofthouse cookies that tempt you at the grocery store.

They turned out melt-in-your-mouth fluffy. Anna frosted them with canned buttercream she dyed pink and dusted them with red sprinkles. Her first batch she put in a container, but she left four large hearts and four small ones frosted and sitting on parchment paper on the kitchen table while we went to dinner. Bad idea.

When we returned, the little ones were there because they had been closer to the middle of the table. The big ones were gone. The only evidence of their existence was a few smears of pink frosting on the welcome mat by the back door. We have a cookie monster at our house named Elektra. But our pound puppy doesn’t limit her thieving to cookies. Ask me about the Thanksgiving pumpkin pie I left on the dining room table. The crust was there, but the inside had been licked clean.

Here’s our unrepentant cookie thief. I hosed down the mat in the driveway and scrubbed away the evidence while she watched.

Fortunately, Anna had some set aside for her boyfriend. Her friends, however, were out of luck.

I was reminded of a Valentine’s Day when I was in college at the University of Kansas. I made brownies in the basement kitchen of my scholarship hall during a winter storm. They were a special treat for a boy I wanted to impress (my now-husband Shawn) who lived in the hall across the street. I went out that night to deliver them and slipped on an icy sidewalk. I managed to keep the batch of brownies safe while I caught myself with one hand, but I chipped a bone in my shoulder and had my arm in a sling for a month. Adding insult to injury, Shawn gave a lukewarm reception to the brownies. After some prodding, I found out he’d rather have oatmeal or chocolate chip cookies.

All that is to say that the road to love is not paved with flowers and candy. Sometimes it’s hard, but we can’t let our hearts get hard. And we can’t let them go off in the wrong direction, like thinking a diamond bauble or a vacation home is better than perseverance and integrity.

The Bible has a lot to say about our hearts. For Northwood’s Ladies’ Bible Study, we’re using a book by Kelly Minter on Nehemiah. The subtitle of the lesson is “A heart that can break.”

Nehemiah’s heart was breaking for the destruction of Jerusalem, the holy city for the Jewish people. He left comfort in the Persian king’s court to lead the rebuilding of the city’s walls, despite ongoing opposition.

I was reminded of a passage in Ezekiel:

“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” – Ezekiel 11:19

God wants us to care deeply about the struggles of others. He wants us to reach out to widows and orphans, to prisoners and the poor, to the sick and the outcast. After tending to immediate needs, we can share the hope we have because of Jesus, the greatest gift of all.

We also studied a passage in Proverbs about guarding your heart because it determines the course of your life.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” – Proverbs 4:23

That reminded me of another verse, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matt. 6:21

For me, I need to avoid the traps of materialistic thinking. Stuff is so much less important than people. I need to value my relationships with God, my family, my friends and anyone I encounter.

Nehemiah said in Chapter 2, verse 12: “I did not tell anyone what God had put in my heart to do.” For a while, he prayed. Then he prayed some more and fasted. He talked the King and prayed again. He surveyed the walls and prayed before telling others in Jerusalem of his plans. Then they got busy building and the praying continued. Opposition came and so did more praying.

Get the picture? What has God put in your heart? Pray. Do some planning. Pray some more. Take steps forward, and don’t forget to pray. Expect the journey to be challenging. We can’t do God’s work without God’s help.

Left to my own devices, I sometimes get it backwards. I guard my heart against the pain around me and soften it to unhealthy junk or pursuits that have no impact on eternity. I’m asking the Lord to help me press in close to those in need and keep materialism and entertainment from becoming too important.

So that’s what I pray for you as we look back on Valentine’s Day: a heart that is soft to the leading of God and guarded to the influence of the world.

Love ’em or hate ’em, we’ve got goals

Posted on January 22, 2017 by sandra

It’s been more than eight weeks since my last blog post, so I’m cringing as I review my goals for 2016. One of my primary goals was to blog weekly. By that standard, epic fail.

But I don’t want to focus on failure, I’d rather look at progress.

In 2016, I published 22 posts. One of the reasons I stopped posting was because I’m preparing to launch a new blog. I’ve written four as yet unpublished posts for the new blog and spent MANY hours planning and learning how I can make my next blog better. That means I wrote 26 blog posts in 2016. How many did I post in 2015? Seven.

I’m going to say I halfway achieved my goal and made good progress.

Last January, I had a list of ten goals, and I only fully achieved two of them. One was to run a half marathon, which my daughter Rebekah and I did in May on a misty, bone-chilling morning from Gloucester to Rockport, Mass., and back.

A half marathon struck me as very long. I’d do it again. Maybe. A marathon? I can’t see that happening. I don’t like to punish myself that much.

The other one was to lose five pounds. Now I know most of you are probably going to hate me a little (or a lot) right now, but it was the first time in my life that I tried to lose weight. I’ve always been one of those disgusting people who could eat whatever they wanted without getting heavier. I used to come home in tears because I was a rail-thin kid who got teased and had a lot of nicknames (Bones, Spider, and this very creative one named after a popular kids’ game at the time: Pick Up Sticks). My revenge was as I progressed through my 20s and 30s, I didn’t have to watch my weight.

When I was pregnant with Rachel, I had a hard time putting on weight and my doctor told me to consume shakes and malts and multiple desserts. I gained less than 20 pounds total and Rachel weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces. Once I gave birth, my abdomen would never be the same, but my weight didn’t change much.

Going home from the hospital with newborn baby Rachel. Talk about terror. You mean they’re really going to send us home with her?

Funny thing about getting older, your metabolism slows down, and it finally caught up with even good ol’ Pick Up Sticks. In my 40s it started to inch up, maybe just a pound a year. Nothing too concerning, but one day your favorite pair of jeans refuse to button.

I decided I would join hubby Shawn in a show of solidarity and diet with him in January. Shawn has succeeded multiple times in losing weight simply by counting calories. I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app on my phone and started tracking. After a month, I’d hit my goal of losing five pounds.

I did pretty well at maintaining my weight while I was training for the half marathon. Running 10 miles at a time will do that for you. But later in the year, the scale began a discouraging climb. From Halloween through New Years was just a whole lot of holiday indulging, which meant I gained back almost everything I lost.

Self-control is hard, y’all. That’s why I think it comes last on this list:

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23

I’ve heard that the fruits of the Spirit build upon one another. Self-control without love, joy, peace and the rest can quickly turn into self-righteous legalism. In this life, we’re never going to achieve perfection in the fruits of the Spirit. But that doesn’t mean we stop working on it.

More important than the deliberate attention to physical health is the conscientious focus on spiritual health. If I’m not spending time seeking the Lord in reading the Bible, praying and looking for His hand at work around me so I can join Him, the fruits of the Spirit are going to be withering instead of thriving.

One of the most beautiful aspects of following Christ is that spiritual fitness doesn’t have to decline as you advance in years. At 51, I am not able to run as I did at 21 or 31 or 41. My body is wearing out. My knees ache on the trail and my hips complain when I sit cross-legged on the floor. Science and experience tell us we lose muscle mass, flexibility and skin tone as we age.

There are no such barriers to spiritual health. I can be more of a prayer warrior at 80 that I was at 40.

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. – 2 Corinthians 4: 16-17

So I want to have a new goal this year of drawing closer to Jesus. What does that look like in practical terms? A good goal should be measurable.

One I’d like to accomplish this year is to read through the Bible. I’ve been involved in a lot of Bible studies in recent years, but it’s been a while since I’ve deliberately read the Good Book cover to cover. I’ve started by using a reading plan on biblegateway.com.

On New Year’s Day at Northwood Church, Pastor Bob Roberts challenged us to read through the Bible in 2017. He reads it every year and says he reads three chapters in the Old Testament and one in the New Testament. He mixes it up between the historical chapters in the OT and the wisdom literature (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon) and alternates between the Gospels and the Epistles. He’ll read through Matthew, then go to Romans, then to Mark…you get the idea.

As far as other resolutions, from a spiritual standpoint, I decided to choose one word as my focus for 2017. My word is grace, both God’s unmerited favor and the Holy Spirit empowering me to do His will.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Cor. 12:9

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” – Romans 5:1-2

What about you? Do you have a resolution or a word for the year?

Evicting the rebel

Posted on November 18, 2016 by sandra

I live with a little rebel. She complains when she doesn’t get her way. She finds loopholes around the rules. She’s a poster child for asking forgiveness instead of asking permission.
One of my daughters spent LOTS of time in time out. Yes, she’s the one who said, “I’ll mess with Texas if I want to,” and “When I grow up, I’ll break all the rules.”
But today I’m not talking about my strong-willed child (who, by the way, grew into a caring, mostly responsible young adult, for all you parents still fighting the good fight).
The little rebel who irritates me most looks back at me in the bathroom mirror.

A quiet pond on Plum Prairie mirrors fall beauty.

I don’t choose the challenging assignment. I choose mindless pursuits instead of doing what only I can do. I try to avoid the homeless man sitting near my parking meter downtown. I put off reaching out to an old friend who is hurting.
I ignore the prompting and go my own way, reasoning myself out of action.
In “Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted,” Priscilla Shirer writes “…it is far easier to repent later than to initially submit. Obedience necessitates self-denial. Subjecting our will to the Lord’s is often more difficult than kneeling at an altar and asking for His mercy.”
When I go into rebellion mode, I’m often acting out of selfishness. But sometimes, I’m driven by fear. Fear of inadequacy. Fear of rejection.

Beauty comes in all sizes and many forms. Do you see it?

When I’m dragging my feet like a toddler, I need to remember one thing: choose love, not fear. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s fear, so said Dr. Caroline Leaf when she spoke at Northwood Church last month.
Love leads to the bigger life, the beautiful, the eternal.
Fear drags us into a narrow trap, the regretful life.
Again from Shirer, “Knowing the endless kindness of our God should not only catapult us to our knees to experience it but to our feet, to walk out a lifestyle of obedience that prioritizes submission to His will over all else.”
Where is God calling you to evict the rebel in the mirror and step out in faith?
Don’t think you have to say “yes” to everything, but focus on those places unique to you: your gifts, your roles and your season.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”- 1 John 4:18

Learning to let go

Posted on October 23, 2016 by sandra

Lovely light just before sunset at our catfish pond in Kansas. Sigh… It’s my happy place (one of them, anyway).

God knows I am pretty dense sometimes, so He helps me out by hitting me up side the head with stuff.

Three times in three days from three different sources, I heard the same message: surrender.

In a couples’ Bible study, we are reading Chuck Swindoll’s book, “So You Want to be Like Christ.” The chapter we studied was about surrendering, releasing our grip. He mentioned surrendering our possessions, our position, our plans and our people (specifically mentioning children).

“Once you make the choice, the hardest days are the earliest. You have become so accustomed to carrying a great weight that releasing it will naturally upset your balance. Learning to walk without it will feel awkward at first. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and walk slowly. As you regain your balance over time, you’ll be amazed by the growing intimacy you share with Him…”

The next day, I read Priscilla Shirer’s study of Jonah where she talks about letting go and mentioned Chuck Swindoll teaching on loosening your grip (and his example was children).

The following morning, I opened up a devotional by Lysa Terkeurst on biblegateway.com. She wrote, “Sometimes I struggle trusting God with my kids.”

This season of life has me learning to loosen my grip on my children. They are 18, 21 and 24.

What I’m realizing is how little control I have over their choices.

If you look at the whole cycle of parenting, there are lots of little moments (and not so little moments) of learning to let go. You’re glad to see your baby take his first wobbly steps but sad when he doesn’t want to cuddle in your arms. You cry a bit when your daughter heads off to kindergarten while cheering her mastery of new bits of knowledge. You swallow the lump in your throat when your teen heads out the door, keys in hand, for his first solo drive. And most definitely when you leave that baby in her dorm room and head back home, you know things will never be quite the same.

How do you let go?

The answer came to me a few days ago.

“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10a

First that verse showed up in the book I was reading, “Switch On Your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf. She talked about the importance of taking time for introspection, self-reflection and prayer. We do NOT have control over everything that happens in our lives, but we can control our responses. The more we strengthen our minds, the more we’re equipped to give responses that bless rather than harm. We choose thoughts that help our health and encourage others, not those that feed bitterness and strife.

That SAME morning, I read the daily Biblegateway.com devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It was written by Liz Curtis Higgs. Her key verse?

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Again, I’m back to where I started. God WILL hit me with the same verse and same message from multiple sources, sometimes within the same hour. It’s a fun game we play together (here’s another post along those lines, “How to know when you have confirmation”).

The message was clear. Focus on knowing and trusting God, not agonizing over problems (real and imagined).

When it comes to your kids (or anyone else, for that matter), do what you can to build them up, pray, give thanks that God is in control and choose to stop your struggles and trust Him.

What keeps you up at night? How much control do you have over that? Take positive steps where you do have control and let go of the rest. Hand it over to the one who can handle it or help you cope.

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” – Matthew 6:27

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests go God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

How to become addicted to God

Posted on October 14, 2016 by sandra

A friend asked me recently how I make my quiet time with God a priority. For many years now, I’ve done Bible study and prayer on at least a semi-regular basis. I AM NOT PERFECT. I miss days and, frankly, vacations are often the worst. I don’t want to appear to have it all together because I don’t (If you could see my house at just about any given moment, you’d know I don’t). I’m just one thirsty girl telling others where I’ve found living water. It’s not that I’m a great person, it’s that the more often I come into God’s presence, the more I realize my need for Him. I’m a broken person meeting other broken people every day — bless their hearts.

When I thought about why I’m pretty regular about daily Bible study and prayer, the answer that came to mind was I’m addicted to my time with God. That seemed really inappropriate to say until I heard neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf mention that a God addiction is a good thing!

We were made to crave. If we don’t fill that hole in our souls with God, we will try to fill it with work, entertainment, food, shopping, hobbies, other people… The list is long. Nothing will fill the God-shaped hole except God. Having fun, working hard, eating, focusing on our kids or spouses or friends all have their place and they fall into proper perspective when God comes first.

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” – Matthew 6:33 (The Message)

Sunrise over the Sand Hills near Hutchinson, Kansas.

Here are some ideas about how to get more regular about spending time with God:

Get up early and have your quiet time first. Sorry, but this is one good way to make sure it happens. To facilitate early rising…
Go to bed at a reasonable time the night before. Yes, I’m explaining this to you like you’re 12, but this can be hard for many of us, especially if you have small children (see the point below about shifting to a different time).
Be accountable. Join a Bible study or small group that keeps you in God’s Word. When my kids were preschoolers, I participated in Bible Study Fellowship which has wonderful programs for children. For adults, BSF has in-depth lessons often requiring more than 30 minutes a day to complete. If you didn’t do your lesson, you couldn’t talk during the small group discussion over the questions. In recent years, I’ve been a part of Northwood’s Ladies’ Bible Study. The lessons are less intense but still keep me studying, and I have the added bonus of getting to know many wonderful women of all ages.
Start small. Even five minutes a day is better than no minutes. Some of my friends use the First 5 App from Proverbs 31 Ministries. I read through the wonderful devotional book “Jesus Calling” during a busy season in my life when I wasn’t in a study or sometimes if my time is limited I will read a devotional from biblegateway.com.
You don’t have to have your God time first thing. Maybe you have little ones who wake you with their cries or requests for Cheerios. When I was in that season, I allowed myself to put in a “Barney” video several times a week (or set aside part of nap time) and take 15 minutes for me and God. Maybe you work very early hours and you can’t imagine getting up earlier. THAT’S OKAY. Have your time at the end of the day or during lunch or whatever works with your schedule. Don’t allow perfectionism to impede progress.
Delay your time on social media/computer/TV until after your quiet time. I try to resist checking my phone first thing in the morning. I DO make a cup of coffee with my favorite flavored creamer to make my QT even better (and wake me up).
If you miss a few days (weeks, months…), know that God loves you and welcomes you back. God doesn’t love you any more when you are spending regular times with Him than when you are ignoring Him. You just become more aware of His love and allow Him to minister to you in your moment-by-moment needs. It’s called renewing the mind, people.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Eight tips to be a better parent to your college kid

Posted on October 9, 2016 by sandra

Just a little more than a month ago, we packed up kid No. 3 to go to college. For the most part, she’s been loving the new challenges, activities and adventures. But there have been moments when she’s called, her words heavy with frustration or panic. I’m not gonna lie, there have been moments when my responses have been heavy with frustration or panic.

Let’s get real. Freshman year of college is HARD. It’s hard for the student, and it’s hard for the parents. I’m not perfect, y’all. I write this to remind myself, as much as to inform you.

Here are some tips to help your child (and you) get through this year and beyond.

1. Keep the lines of communication open.

yes, I sometimes use text speak. I’m not too proud to stoop to teen communication modes.

If I want to get a positive response out of my kid, I use click bait. This girl loves our hyper German shepherd-border collie and asked me to send her photos. Those always get a response, but don’t expect daily communication. Go ahead and send an encouraging text, but don’t worry if you get no response. Let your child know how often you expect a phone call or Facetime where you can hear the sarcasm in their voice instead of trying to detect it in their texts.
2. Visit campus and make it an event.
Last weekend was “Family Weekend” at Anna’s college. The day we moved her into her dorm, she talked about Family Weekend and how she wanted us to see her university and go to the game. Fast forward to the day it began, and our college girl had plans with friends during the first event (a barbecue dinner and pep rally). Imagine that, she’d rather go out with her new friends instead of spend time with her parents. We insisted that she meet us for the President’s Breakfast the next morning, and she did. We had a nice visit and then she took us on a personal tour of campus. In her defense, we’d seen her several times because she goes to school less than an hour from home. Shawn reminded me that these events are designed to make sure your kid is adjusting to college, and it was obvious she was adjusting.

Go Mean Green!

3. Send a care package.
Box up some of your kid’s favorite treats. If you’re motivated (or have all this new-found time to ponder their absence), get creative and look on Pinterest for ideas. If you don’t have a lot of time, many university groups advertise they will put together a care package and deliver it around special days like Halloween, Valentine’s Day and finals. Nothing says “I love you” like a package of gummy worms.
4. Don’t turn their room into your office, craft room or man cave right away.
You’ll freak them out, trust me. Your assimilation of their space should be gradual or delayed. Even with my Aggie grad, I keep a bed for her in what used to be her room when I turned it into my office. When she’s home, it’s her room. When she’s not, it’s my office.
5. Invest in yourself.
Because you will have more time, resist the urge to mope or fill up the empty spaces with Pinterest or binge watching “Downton Abbey.” Think moderation with social media and entertainment and capture some of those extra minutes to learn a new skill or rediscover an old hobby. Both of those endeavors will boost your mood more than mindless media. I recently taught myself to use a video-making app on my phone for work and made a fall wreath for the first time in over a decade.

Crafted with love, not perfection…

When I was trapped at home with three small children, I did a lot of crafting. Now I can flex those glue gun and paint brush muscles again. How does that help your child adjust to college? It’s kind of a stretch, but it shows kids that you’re never finished learning and growing. Just being happier with this season of life helps us grow into it. Which leads me to the next point…
6. Let go … but not all the way.
Realize your child will have lots of exciting and stressful events as they move towards independence. Don’t panic when they become anxious over a bad grade or want to change their major. Work on becoming more of a coach and less of a dictator. Your adult child will thank you.
On the balance side, I want to insert a warning to you moms and dads out there. MANY young adults struggle with depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges. According to the National Alliance on Mentall Illness (NAMI), 20 percent of teens will experience some kind of mental health condition; 75 percent of chronic mental illnesses show up by age 24. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for those age 10 to 24. I’m dwelling on this heartbreaking topic because we parents need to know that the potential is there, and we should seek professional help if we suspect our child is struggling with mental health.
7. Expect change and talk about expectations.
Your son or daughter will come home on breaks. You will be glad to see them come. When the break is over, you will be glad to see them go. They will try new fashions, new philosophies, new political points of view. Don’t let this rattle you. Keep calm and laugh on (in private, not in their faces). Most likely, they will push way past the old curfews. Let them know what you expect from them, even if it’s just a text at midnight saying they will be home later. They will forget about pitching in with chores and treat you like the hotel maid service. Ask them to do their fair share. Plan fun times for the family during breaks, but don’t over schedule because they love staying out late with friends and sleeping much of the day away. When they go back, plan fun times with whomever is left at home (or with other friends and family). Have a party without them. You have a life, too, and it’s good for them to know it!
8. Don’t tell your kid, “These are the best years of your life.”
Most of us who went to college have great memories of that time. But we don’t have to think too hard to remember the late night projects, the worries about grades and the anxiety over our future. College is fun and college is hard. Both concepts are true. In the same way, parenting is rewarding and parenting is the hardest job we’ll ever do. What do we do in this new frontier of parenting young adults? This mom prays a lot. I pray they will know God loves them, and they will want to follow Him and discover His amazing plan for their lives. I know God is watching out for them even when I can’t. As Christians, we believe the best is yet to come.

On procrastination, purpose and the miraculous healing of a printer

Posted on September 18, 2016 by sandra

A misty morning on our North Plum prairie in Central Kansas.

Friday was Sandra’s “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” and I wanted to run away to Australia.

I won’t give you all the gory details because even if I changed the names to protect the innocent, most of the trouble was caused by that person I see every day in the mirror.
A large percentage of the remaining problems resulted from brokenness. No, I don’t mean that feeling when you realize you can’t make it on your own and would someone up there send some help already (although there may be a bushel of truth in that).

I mean stuff was broken. Broken oven, leaking shower head, a tear in a favorite shirt. And technology rebelled and refused to do my bidding. I was coming up against a deadline to get some important papers signed. How dare my laptop and printer conspire to revolt after I’d put off the task for so long!

Ah! There’s the rub! I procrastinate in many areas of my life, but I can be responsible in others. I can exercise self-control when it comes to paying bills, running several times a week or completing work assignments. On the flip side, I often delay cleaning chores, writing blog posts like this one or tackling difficult projects with indeterminate deadlines.

Why do some jobs get done with minimal will power and others seem to take monumental effort?

My easy-to-complete tasks all have a quick consequence if they don’t get done. I HATE paying late fees, my hyper-energetic dog pesters me to play (or shreds my socks) if she doesn’t get exercise and if I’m not meeting my work commitments, I’m forced into uncomfortable conversations with my boss (who is very understanding when real problems pop up).

The “to-dos” that are “not-dones” are more under my control. If I don’t clean the shower as often as I should, it really just impacts me and my hubby. I drag my feet in posting to my blog because I worry I don’t have anything interesting to say. I avoid big projects with unclear paths.

If I dig a little deeper, I know I procrastinate sometimes out of fear of failure.

Cleaning and organizing do not come easily to me. And I’m often in my daydream world where it’s easy to ignore the clutter and the dirt until it begins to spill out of the closets and attract wildlife. After weeks of neglect, I can spend 48 minutes scrubbing my shower and it still doesn’t look perfect. So why bother? Those are the times I need to remind myself that housework done imperfectly is better than housework not done at all. Spending 24 minutes or 12 minutes or 6 minutes is better than 0 minutes. Clean and de-clutter anyway.

As for the blog, almost every time I write a post, I feel a twinge of anxiety when I hit the button marked “Publish.” Creating makes us vulnerable. What if no one reads this? Or they think it’s a waste of time? What if I run out of things to say? Then I need to remind myself that connecting with others through writing is part of my primary purpose. Why did God give me this dream for my writing? So others will be encouraged. There will be times when my posts are dull. I must wrestle worry and pin it to the mat in the process. Write anyway.

Doubts can paralyze me or prompt me to pray and persevere.

When facing any complex project, I can take a small step forward instead of putting it off. Most of us veteran procrastinators know that just getting started is the hardest part. I say to myself, “progress, not perfection.”

That brings me back to my foul mood the other night, when technology kept me from completing an important part of a big project. I checked the printer, Googled the error message, tried moving the documents to a memory stick and putting that into the printer port. Nothing. I went to bed grumbling about all the broken stuff and all the undone tasks and tried to fall asleep haunted by regrets and recriminations.

When I got up the next morning, I knew I needed to sit down with my Bible, prayer journal and coffee to build positive momentum for my day. Seated in the big leather chair with my KTEH San Jose public television mug, I glimpsed out of the corner of my eye a stack of paper in the printer tray. After I’d gone stomping up the stairs, the problem had inexplicably resolved itself. Yes, there were five more copies of one paper than I needed, but I rejoiced. I could get the signature I needed and move forward.

God was reminding me of his goodness in the midst of all the brokenness (yes, the spiritual kind). Life is hard more often than it is easy. I need to look to the Lord to help me overcome challenges, especially the ones I create for myself.

One of the passages I read Saturday morning was this one:

“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” – 2 Peter 1:3

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that the presence of hardship does not mean the absence or your presence.

An end is also a beginning

Posted on September 5, 2016 by sandra

Two weeks ago today Shawn and I dropped the last kid off at college, and I’m still in shock.

Where did those 18 years go, or the nearly two and a half decades of having kids under foot? The days crawled but the years raced.

We followed Anna’s battered blue Dakota up Highway 377 to the University of North Texas and sat in a traffic jam in the middle of orange construction barrels on Eagle Drive while hundreds of other families waited their turn to pull into the dorm parking lot. We got off the main drag a few blocks early and found spaces in a parking lot just one street over from her hall. Shawn, Anna, big sister Rachel (there at her sister’s insistent request), and I grabbed boxes and headed to her dorm.

A bit unsure and nervous, Anna took charge anyway and went to check in and get her key while the rest of us waited by the boxes on the steps out front. She came back breathless and triumphant, lanyard looped around her neck. Her room was on the fifth floor (aren’t they always?). The line for the elevators went out the door and down the block, so she led the charge to the nearest narrow stairwell.

Up, up, up we went, squeezing against the hand rail and orienting the box just right every time we passed students and parents on their way down the five flights. After several trips and copious amounts of sweating, we had most of what she brought in her room. Then there was moving furniture and the awkward task of making a lofted bed in tight quarters: layering on mattress protector, memory foam, pad, fitted sheet, flat sheet and her Grand Bette-made UNT green quilt. Anna may or may not have bumped her head on the acoustic tile ceiling. Rachel may or may not have made a trip hefting a heavy box from the parking lot up to the fifth floor before realizing she was in the “B” wing and would have to go back down to the ground floor and across the courtyard to the “A” wing and up another five flights.

Shawn and I pose with Anna, our UNT girl. Her room is only half way set up, but she was ready for us to go.

We got a few of the boxes unpacked, then Anna declared lunch break. We went to one of her favorite restaurants, Chipotle, even though Kansas cattleman Shawn doesn’t like to go there because they get all their beef from Australia. On this momentous occasion, he went with zero complaints or snide comments.

Then we went across the street on a Target run for a power strip, fan, gluten-free snacks and other assorted items, angling our cart around the aisles crowded with back-to-school shoppers. Once we got back to her dorm room with a last load of supplies, Queen Anna said, “You can go now.” She wanted to finish setting up with her friend and roommate Ashley and without parental units and sister taking up valuable floor space.

And that was it. After so many years of dreading the moment, I felt numb. The 45-minute drive back to Keller was quiet but not somber. When we got home, we still had Rachel visiting for another ten days. Rebekah is dividing her time between taking a few classes at the University of Texas at Arlington and a part-time job at The Keller Pointe, so she is living at home. The empty nest is not empty yet. And that’s okay.

I teared up late that night when I looked out the front door for Anna’s pickup and remembered why I didn’t see it at the curb. But she’s been home twice in the last two weeks, and I saw her in Denton twice. It makes a difference having her so close. Taking Rachel to A&M and dropping Rebekah off at KU her freshman year were much harder.

Part of the reason I’ve not been more mopey is because two days after we dropped Anna off, my step dad (a UNT alumni and big fan of the Mean Green) lost his long battle with cancer. Known for his wry sense of humor, his affection for all things Denton, and his willingness to go out of his way to help someone in need, Bud will be missed by many friends and family members. His passing had me thinking of the bigger picture and spending more time with my mom.

Bud sitting behind the wheel of his beloved 1957 Chevy convertible.

Bud sitting behind the wheel of his beloved 1951 Chevy convertible.

The end of active-duty child-rearing can be the beginning of new adventures with a wider scope than just the folks under my roof. More time to explore near and far. More opportunities to grow in giving to others. More knowledge that each moment is precious. If you’re a mom or dad in this perilous place of transition, allow a little mourning for what is gone, then seek the “mores.”

Life is full of challenges and changes. Some we anticipate for years and others catch us by surprise as one season ends and a new one begins. But we can know this. God has everything under control and will use all of it for our good, if we’ll let Him.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

If we’re still drawing breath, God’s got good things planned for us to do.

What will get your Olympic effort?

Posted on August 14, 2016 by sandra

My first memory of the Olympics was watching Soviet gymnast Olga Korbut, “the darling of Munich,” compete in 1972. I was 7 years old and captivated by her charm and athleticism. A neighbor down the street had a three-foot tall fence that became my balance beam. I’d scamper across it and pose, dreaming of adoring crowds and medals.

Olga Korbut, a star of the 1972 Munich games, cast an Olympic spell over 7-year-old me that continues to this day.

Having absolutely NO gymnastics skills, poor flexibility, sub-par coordination and a tall, lanky frame with minuscule upper body strength, my chances of becoming an Olympic gymnast were zero. But I never stopped marveling at what those small but mighty athletes could do.

Ever since 1972, I’ve been a fan of the Olympics. From Mary Lou Retton and Florence Griffith-Joyner to Simone Biles and Michael Phelps, I’ve watched in wonder at it all.

Michael Phelps has 28 medals, 23 of them gold! Inconceivable! He says Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, an outspoken Christian, and the book “Purpose Driven Life” saved his life after he was arrested for his second DUI.

This past week I’ve short-changed my sleep and dragged my way through some days with an Olympic hangover.

What does it take to be a successful Olympic athlete? I’d say innate talent, dedication and mental toughness.

No matter how hard I trained, I don’t think I would ever be a gymnast. God didn’t bless me with that kind of frame. The only sport I ever tried where I had some success was running. I briefly held the school record in the 880 (yards, people, because I’m old) at John Marshall Junior High, but it was broken a few years later.

I had enough dedication to run track and cross country in high school, but I didn’t have the drive to become great at it. I didn’t have that single-minded determination and will. That could have been a combination of lacking talent and mental toughness and it was absolutely an absence of sacrificial devotion.

That said, I still lace up my running shoes three days a week and pound pavement. I’m excruciatingly slow compared to the rail-thin, bouncy teen that used to win an occasional track medal in the Wichita City League. When I get a medal in a race now it’s usually because there weren’t that many 50 and older women running. You can outlast the competition in a whole different way!

I find that running brings me a kind of quiet joy. I dislike the treadmill because I’d rather be outside with my crazy running buddy. If I’m in a challenging season, a run will relax the tension in my shoulders or put a bit of the old bounce in my step. A walk can work wonders, too. Now that I’m an older runner, I don’t run daily. Even a short walk will boost my mood. For me, it’s the combination of movement and nature. I also sometimes do a 10-minute exercise video for strength training because I know I’m losing muscle mass and prone to osteoporosis because of my slender frame.

Yep, here she is again. My ever-eager running buddy. She's always good to go!

Yep, here she is again. Elektra, my ever-eager running buddy. She’s always good to go!

Whether you run or walk or cycle or golf, let those Olympic efforts remind you of the responsibility we all have to take care of our bodies. Most of us are not called to be Olympians, but all of us are called to certain roles, some of them only we can do. Managing our health helps us maintain the devotion and mental toughness to continue to do what God created us to do, from caring for kids or parents or spouses to learning at school, building businesses or serving others.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” – 1 Cor. 6:19-20

“Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing. No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.” – 1 Cor. 9:26-27

Playing possum or playing “with” possum

Posted on July 31, 2016 by sandra

So it’s been more than a month since I posted on the old blog. I apologize to my five loyal fans (you know who you are!) who have been upset by my lack of consistency. Sometimes we’re busy having special times with family, other times we’re mired in a swamp of problems and every once in a while we let ourselves believe lies that knock us off track. All of these have been part of my last month.

Yesterday at our house here in suburban DFW we had our own version of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. A half-grown possum decided he wanted to stroll around our backyard, wander in and out of the doghouse and check out my garden. The ever-energetic Elektra barked and jumped at the window and wanted to go out to defend her territory from the invader, but daughter Rebekah and I didn’t want the two critters to engage.

This is not our Junior Possum, just one that looks like him. I didn’t take any photos because sometimes you’ve just got to stay in the moment.

Elektra loves to chase squirrels but has caught nary a one. This young possum would be an easy catch. We were concerned about it spreading disease, but an even bigger reason: it was really cute with its cotton candy pink nose. We didn’t want to see that kind of Wild Kingdom unfold in our backyard.

We waited for several minutes that seemed even longer, what with the wild rumpus going on in my breakfast nook at the big window overlooking the yard. The little critter finally made his way toward the hole in the fence, and I went out to check the area before we allowed Elektra to go out and do her olfactory forensic investigation.

After I went back inside and the curious canine sniffed around a bit, she alerted on something under the rosebush right by the hole in the fence. Rebekah knew we were in trouble. Sure enough, the dog turned around with the prize possum loosely held in her jaws. When she catches something, her first goal is play not kill. We pulled open the door and gave a sharp yell, causing the dog to drop her friend.

Kudos to Elektra for coming back in the house when we called, and we didn’t have to wrestle it away from her. Rebekah and I went out to check on it. The possum laid on its side, little pink claws in the air, motionless. You know, playing possum. But there was no blood or teeth marks, the little chest was moving up and down, so we went back inside to watch.

After a minute or two it began to move, getting back on its feet and walking back into the garden. Then it just stopped and looked around.

Meanwhile, the dog is once again going bonkers. Since the possum was in no hurry to go anywhere, Rebekah and I decided to encourage it to leave. I put Elektra on a leash and the three of us went out to let it know it wasn’t welcome. I kept the dog out of range. She seemed to know that the leash meant she couldn’t go play with it.

The little possum just crouched next to my faded zinnias pretending we weren’t there. Rebekah went and got a stick to herd it towards the gap under the fence. When she gently tapped it, the creature did a slow-mo fall to its side, claws up. We were all on one side of it and freedom was on the other and Junior Possum’s response was to pretend rigor mortis had set in. You don’t want any of this folks, I’m long dead.

“Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” was Must See TV for kids in the 1970s!

We decided to conduct our own wildlife relocation program. Rebekah got the shovel and I got the broom. While I held the dog away from the action and played “Marlin Perkins” giving out words of encouragement, Rebekah was the brave “Jim” gently sweeping the animal onto the shovel. She then walked outside of our fence to a cluster of mesquite trees next to the pond behind our house and carefully slid him into a shady spot in the grass. He never moved, except for the telltale rhythm of his tiny chest. Then we shut the gate, loosed the hound and let her gather more olfactory evidence.

I told Rebekah I thought “playing dead” had to be one of the lamest self-defense measures ever. Later I was reminded that sometimes we may pretend to be dead to bad habits or the hurtful words of others or our own negative self-talk, but we didn’t really remove ourselves from the situation. The dangerous destruction is right there, and our response is to pretend it can’t hurt us. A better defense mechanism is to get away and/or have a much stronger protector.

Sometimes God calls us to leave a dangerous habit or situation behind. Other times, he may want us to look to him for protection and help when we must stand our ground. In either case, we’re not alone.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

Elektra doesn’t want to play possum. She wants to play WITH possum. Behind her are the trees where we relocated her “friend.”

Sandra Engelland

Cultivating peace