Goals, terry cloth robes and grace. Lots of grace.

Posted on June 26, 2016 by sandra

Here we are almost at the end of June. That means we are half way through 2016. Yes. Really. I know it takes us all a few months just getting used to writing 2016 before it sinks in. I decided it would be a good chance for me to review all those goals I set in early January.

It ends up that I’ve fallen short on many of them. No, my bedroom is not totally decluttered and remodeled. I haven’t memorized a bunch of Bible Verses. I didn’t blog weekly.

But you know what? That’s okay. When I take a step back and look around me, I see some progress. It may be a mole hill instead of mountain, but I’ve gained ground.

One goal we met was taking a family spring break tour of the Great Southwest. It was all truly great except for a few hours in western New Mexico on the way home when we almost strangled each other.

One goal we met was taking a family spring break tour of the Great Southwest. It was all truly great except for a few hours in a traffic jam on I-40 in New Mexico when we almost strangled each other.

Anyone who knows me well knows I struggle with outer organization. I’m one of those daydreaming creative folks who can ignore the basket of unsorted socks by my bed for weeks (or months) and forget where I put the notice to renew the registration for my daughter’s car until it’s way overdue, hypothetically speaking (not).

I may not have decluttered my whole bedroom, but I did go through almost all my clothing and get rid of what didn’t “spark joy.” One of the books I’ve read so far this year is “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. Actually, I listened to the audio book, which I found on YouTube, while I went through my closet and drawers.

Kondo, a professional organizer from Japan, has something of a cult following with her “Konmari method,” which is to get rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy. She has some useful tips, but she’s kind of weird. She likes to talk to her stuff. If she is getting rid of it, she holds it and thanks it for what it’s done for her.

I feel a little silly thanking my old cherry red terry cloth robe for it’s many years of faithful service, but I never looked at it the same after hearing Jim Gaffigan’s take on them.

I haven’t blogged every week. Sigh. I’m disappointed in my lack of resolve. But I haven’t completely given up. I count up my posts. This is No. 14 for 2016. For the entire year of 2015 I had 7. If I keep on this pace, I will quadruple my output from last year.

I need to get out of the old mentality of abandoning goals because I only hit a single instead of a home run. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Another goal I set was to memorize 24 Bible verses for the year. I’ve only done two, and that’s being generous because I’m still sneaking peaks at the 3×5 card taped to my bathroom mirror. But God is still speaking powerfully through His Word. Just this last week several verses hit me up side the head.

This one seems especially appropriate:

^“But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.”– 1 Cor. 15: 57-58

Let’s give some grace to ourselves and keep moving onward in faith.

The optimistic, inconsistent, oblivious gardener

Posted on June 14, 2016 by sandra

Every spring hope pokes up in the fertile loam of my optimistic (Shawn would substitute delusional) heart and I plant.

Even the back side of a sunflower is lovely. I didn’t even see the cobwebs in the view finder.

This year I bribed and badgered two of my daughters into joining me in my overgrown backyard bed. We cleared away the dead plants from last year and a bumper crop of weeds aided by ample rains. I promised that I would only make them work for an hour.

After maybe 17 minutes, one of them drifted off to play with the dog while the other kept at the task with only a little grumbling. She planted a half dozen zinnias and a few hot pink marguerite daisies with gentle care. Then she opened a packet of tiny seeds spilling them into a concentrated spot of earth instead of gently scattering them over several square feet of soil.

Meanwhile I dug hurried holes for tomatoes and poked bush green bean seeds into the Miracle Gro mixture I use to loosen the clay-laden ground. Then other duties and interests called and it was another two or ten days before I got back to my garden.

The dog delights in digging in the fluffy fertile loam from Lowe’s and had evicted one of my tomato plants. I found it in the back corner, wilted but still green. So I said a prayer and plunked it into its original spot.

An unrepentant digger

I pulled out tomato cages and placed them over each plant, wrestling the growing limbs with loving care into the wiry funnels. Then I arranged a doggie barricade around the raised bed.

Another week later, I cajoled all three girls into hoisting bags of mulch from the bed of the battered Dakota and carrying them into the yard. Then one of them helped me open bags and scatter ebony bits of bark over the ground. The other two played with the dog and giggled with each other.They are all over the age of 17.

Then I pretty much left the garden to its own devices. A few minutes of weeding here and there, ample showers and little else.

Way back around April Fool’s Day, we’d pulled many a weed with large heart-shaped leaves, but I knew what they were and I chose to leave six or ten in certain spots. Now these chosen weeds rise high above everything else in the bed. They sport bright blossoms that lift my chin.

God is in the details.

One or two of them, though, are crowding out the tomatoes, shading their fruit and hampering their growth. I’ll probably pull a few of the giants so the tomatoes will have the chance to thrive.

Sunflowers soar to the sky and encroach on the fragile tomatoes.

The truth is, I’m not a diligent gardener. I’m easily distracted. Shawn says I’m like the dog in “Up.” I’m in the middle of a task or a conversation and… “SQUIRREL!” I also tend to be like my girls in that I’m easily bored. The idea of gardening often sounds better than getting in the dirt with rampant evil trumpet vines and ghost-white grubs.

But you know what? I haven’t given up. I harvested a plastic colander full of green beans on the same morning I pulled a bin full of weeds. I took a picture of both of them because life is not Pinterest-worthy most of the time. It’s mix of delicious produce and invasive weeds.

Sometimes we have to say goodbye to some eye-catching blossoms to make room for the real food.

And even a well-meaning absent-minded gardener can enjoy the fruits of her labor – and hope for better yields next year.

“It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.” – 1 Corinthians 3:7

“When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first.” – 1 Corinthians 15:38

Turning in my “active duty mom card”

Posted on June 5, 2016 by sandra

Last weekend this mom survived two big milestones.

Anna, my youngest, graduated from high school on Saturday. Two days later, she turned 18.

In honor of her old favorite "Junie Bl Jones" books, Anna C. Engelland is a graduation girl!

In honor of her old favorite “Junie B. Jones” books, Anna C. Engelland is a graduation girl!

In just the space of 48 hours, I had no more K-12 kiddos and no more minor children. It’s enough to make a mama swoon.

I’d been simultaneously anticipating and dreading those moments for many months (years?). I wanted to celebrate my daughter, whose impish, strong-willed, fierce-loving start hinted at the creative, determined, fierce-loving young woman she would become.

But a part of me feels like I’m turning in my “active duty mom card” because technically, all three of my kids are adults. I’m mourning the passage of the era of raising kids. I’ve been at it for almost a quarter of a century, but sometimes it seems to have passed in a blur.

The first kid graduation I celebrated was my oldest daughter completing kindergarten. That was almost exactly 18 years ago because my youngest was born just a day and a half later. I tell a lot of people that I never drank coffee until the youngest arrived. I had a first grader, a preschooler and a colic-prone baby. That’s a certain recipe for sleep deprivation, making caffeine an essential part of my daily diet.

Rachel, 6, cuddling with her one day old baby sister.

Rebekah at 3 1/2 gets a kick out of holding her newborn sister for the first time. Anna, not so much.

Boarding the Trinity Railway Express to Dallas in 2001: Anna, 3, in her "lay-o" Veggie Tales dress lovingly made by GrandBette, Rachel, 9, carrying her own camera, and Rebekah, 6, sporting the Powerpuff Girls T.

Boarding the Trinity Railway Express to Dallas in 2001: Anna, 3, in her favorite outfit, a “lay-o” Veggie Tales dress lovingly made by GrandBette; Rachel, 9, carrying the family video camera while holding her sisters’ hands (typical oldest child stuff); and Rebekah, 6, sporting the Powerpuff Girls T.

Now the sleep deprivation comes from hot flashes or because I’m worrying about one or more of the young adult children. What you don’t realize as a young parent looking ahead is that your job isn’t really over when they turn 18 or graduate from high school.

As your kids grow up, you give them more and more responsibility. You coach and hope and pray that they have faith in God and in themselves.*

They make mistakes. A lot of them. You make mistakes. A lot of them. But the older they get, the more you realize that you as a parent have very little control. You transition from a very “hands on” role to more of an advisory capacity. You have been and always will be one of your child’s primary role models. They will do what you do or vow to be nothing like you.

I hate to break the news to all you young parents out there, but parenting older teens and young adults can be harrowing at best, heartbreaking at worst. Sometimes when you want to rush in and rescue, you stand back and wait. You keep your mouth shut when you long to give the 142nd lecture on a topic. You pray more for your kids than when they were little because the challenges are huge and the solutions are out of your hands.

But in all that, you get to see your child becoming. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed, so you can’t expect total “adulting” dominance, but you see glimpses of how the soft-hearted child becomes the compassionate young adult, or the obstinate, strong-willed kid becomes the determined, focused 18-year-old.

When they struggle, you seek God all the more and focus on the long haul. You look for glimmers of hope and choose to count blessings. And you choose to love.

*Jesus teaches in Matthew 22 that faith is powered by love:

³⁶“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

³⁷Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’^[a] ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] ⁴⁰The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Rachel’s graduation in 2010. Great smiles from all my girls.

Rebekah’s graduation in 2013. Two down, one to go!

A happy day celebrating our last Keller High School graduation.

Are you in my club?

Posted on May 22, 2016 by sandra

I belong to a huge club with many members, but every one of us would rather be someplace else. We didn’t choose this club. It chose us.

I come from a family deeply scarred by mental illness. My father fought bipolar disorder for decades. He battled what he thought was depression for much of my childhood until a manic break from reality (the first of many) while I was in college divulged the true nature of his disease. His father spent many years in mental hospitals.

Dad and me in our backyard in Wichita.

Dad and his dad, Floyd Leon Crider Jr. and Floyd Leon Crider Sr., on the dairy farm near Krum, Texas

I’m not excited about writing this post, but I know it needs to be done. Good bloggers connect with their tribe. They take what they’ve experienced and attempt to turn it into lessons to encourage others. The problem with mental illness is that there is still a lot of stigma and ignorance out there. And people don’t enjoy talking about it because it sucks. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t use foul language and “sucks” crosses a line for me (my apologies to my southern mama who raised me to despise cuss words). But there’s something deep within my gut that mourns the havoc mental illness created in my family.

Without thinking long or hard at all, I can recall loved ones with depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, personality disorder, bulimia, addictions… You get the idea. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), one out of five Americans experience a mental illness. Of those ages 13 to 18, 20 percent have a mental health condition.

In our upper middle class suburb of 43,000 souls here in DFW, two teenagers have taken their own lives in the last month. Of those who die from suicide, 90 percent have an underlying mental illness. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States.

People, we need to seek out the mentally ill among us and show them love. We need to support their families. When someone breaks an arm or is diagnosed with cancer, everyone rallies around them. We don’t understand diseases of the mind. They don’t make sense because they are by their essence irrational. We need to rally anyway. We can listen and hug.

Part of showing love is putting ourselves out there as members of this club, both those who have loved a mentally ill person and those who have suffered themselves.

May is mental health month, and I feel the need to make sure others know about my membership in this not-at-all exclusive club. The way to reduce the stigma and ignorance is to be open about our struggles and to encourage those who are open with us.

Want to know more?

Here are a few resources:

More information on NAMI and mental health issues: nami.org
TED Talks on mental health
Kay and Rick Warren, who lost their son to suicide, now champion mental health issues in the church: hope4mentalhealth.com

So who is with me? Are you in my club?

Lessons from the back of the pack

Posted on May 15, 2016 by sandra

Last weekend, my 21-year-old daughter Rebekah and I ran our first half marathon. We’d done races of 9 miles and 10 miles, but we’d never done 13.1 miles. We decided to use Shawn’s frequent flyer miles (Thanks, Honey!) and go to a run outside of Boston and do some sightseeing before and after the big run

The day before the race, we had a great time walking the Freedom Trail in Boston and carb loading at a cafe in Little Italy. Our waitress’s accent — she called me “doll”–added to the fun. After our run, we drove up to Maine and found a little town on the coast for chowder, lobster rolls and shopping. Rebekah said she preferred “Murder She Wrote” New England over “Cheers” Boston, but both venues were fun.

As for the run, it was HARD. The morning was cold and drizzly, fog shrouding the namesake pair of lighthouses on the course. There were more hills between Gloucester and Rockport than we find between Keller and North Richland Hills (despite the name).

Cold start in the upper 30s. Welcome to May in New England. Obviously, I am selfie challenged.

Did I mention that it was long? Map My Run, which lined up with all their mile markers, told me the race was actually 13.3 miles. When you’re ready to be done, two-tenths of a mile matters. We kept going and only walked a little bit and finished with a better time than we expected, although well back into the pack of runners, many of whom sported “Boston Athletic Association” Boston Marathon gear. For you non-runners, you only get to run the Boston Marathon by getting a very fast qualifying time IN ANOTHER MARATHON or by having run it more than 15 times.

Towards the end of the race when every muscle hurt

The point I want to make is that right now I’m having to run a spiritual endurance race in certain areas. I’ve prayed and sought God’s guidance, but the struggle remains. Unlike a real race, I’m not sure where to find the finish line. But I can trust God to give me the power to endure and keep going.

One of the best things about a road race is the camaraderie. Fellow runners encourage one another and people cheer for you along the course and at the water stations to boost your spirits. At the Mile 9 water station last weekend, a woman called Rebekah and me her “two favorite runners of the day.” It didn’t matter that we were near the back of the pack and she may have said it a couple dozen times, we felt better.

In the body of Christ, we can cheer for the well-known pastors and authors, the speakers who fill stadiums and lead hundreds to faith, but we should also encourage those who are struggling. Those who are dealing with marital strife, sick parents, colicky babies, bad grades, prodigal sons and daughters. We should look for ways to bless others with a cup of water and a few kind words in the middle of whatever marathon they are running.

Because everyone has challenges. Call it pruning, call it the results of bad choices (sometimes not even our own), call it living in a fallen world. That’s the bad news. But here’s the good news. In Christ, we have victory. We may not have it in our hands yet, but we can hold it in our hearts. We know that He gives us power, love and self-control when we seek Him, not fear and anxiety (2 Timothy 1:7).

So run your race, my friends, and don’t forget to encourage others, especially those at the back of the pack.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1

Not sure if I’ve ever been more glad to see the Finish Line.

How you can grow into your purpose

Posted on April 17, 2016 by sandra

Forsythia in bloom at The Rock Shop in Orderville, Utah, one of many rock shops in the town of 572 folks. We didn’t stop and smell the roses on our recent spring break. We stopped for the rocks.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
– Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)

News flash: I get frustrated with myself and my lack of progress on multiple fronts. Over and over and over and over… You get the picture.

– I want to keep to my resolution to blog weekly, but I’m not meeting that goal.
– I want to do a better job getting rid of clutter and cleaning my home, but the piles of doodads and dust bunnies continue to grow.
– I want to tackle the 87 home improvement projects that should be done, but there don’t seem to be enough hours or energy to do them.

I could add many more, but it makes me tired just thinking about all those unaccomplished tasks.

I have these two voices that creep into my brain. I’ll call them Martha and Stanley.

Martha had a plethora of pin-worthy ideas long before Pinterest. I’m not Martha, and “it’s a good thing.”

The Martha voice is like Martha Stewart. She wants elaborate dinner parties, a garden bursting with flowers to array in vases and tomatoes to can in jars and a home with lovely decor and floors clean enough to not worry about the five second rule (I remember reading where Martha said the only way to clean floors is on your hands and knees. She knew her daughter had truly taken her words to heart when she found the young woman on her hands and knees cleaning the garage floor. FOR REAL. THE GARAGE FLOOR). That’s the voice of the domestic diva, the homemaking ninja, the paragon of Pinterest, roles to which I aspire in my more delusional moments.

Here’s Stanley, pencil and puzzle book in hand, unashamedly avoiding the work of the day.

Then there’s Stanley, as in Stanley Hudson from the TV show “The Office.” Stanley wanted to sit in the corner and do his crossword puzzles and have everyone leave him alone. He wanted to get by doing as little work as humanly possible. Sometimes that’s me. I look around and see the dishes that are piled in the sink AGAIN, the blog post on my “to do” list (real or only in my head) that didn’t get written AGAIN, the cluttered room that there’s no point in decorating when it’s such a mess AGAIN and I want to find a crossword or an episode of “The Office” and bury myself in it.

Y’all, both of these voices need to be evicted from our heads. These are really two sides of the same coin: perfectionism in what I want and disappointment when I can’t meet those goals. When we get caught up in perfectionism, we lose the joy of appreciating the world in all of its imperfect glory. We are MESSED UP and God loves us anyway. That’s grace. But this doesn’t mean that we give up on the work God’s given us to do. We keep moving forward in spite of our struggles. That’s faith. Although taking a break from work and chores is healthy, allowing discouragement to keep us from making progress is not.

I’m learning that I should not be focused on perfection or how miserably I fail. My focus should be on loving God and showing his love to others. Even though I am a daydreamer creative type lacking in organizational skills and focus, I can take steps in the right direction.

Ten minutes spent dusting in an imperfect manner is better than no dusting at all. Doing one small part of a big project (like spraying Roundup on the weeds and grass that have overtaken my garden) beats the frustration that I don’t have the time to tackle the whole thing or guilt over allowing it to languish and deteriorate. Writing and posting on my blog even when I lack the fire of inspiration is better than giving in to discouragement.

Doing imperfect things is better for my psyche than waiting for the perfect time or situation.

We don’t always get to choose how well a project turns out and we certainly don’t get to choose how others receive our efforts, but we can choose to move forward. My faith on its own shrivels up. It grows when I choose to do something that God has called me to do. We’re always going to have interruptions, usually people, who want us to do something else. We need to ask the Lord for wisdom in knowing if we ought to pause and oblige or stay the course. Sometimes God calls us to rest, too, and that’s an important part of faith.

This is a cedar waxwing in the ornamental pear tree outside my office window. I love that little berry-eating bandit!

²⁵“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” – Matthew 6: 25-27 (NLT)

Really what we’re doing here is learning to listen and follow, rest and rejoice. Rinse and repeat. Here’s how we keep hope alive: not by being perfect nor giving in to discouragement but by trusting and obeying.

Will you join me in tackling the messy, imperfect life around us knowing that God is in control? Don’t listen to Martha or Stanley and enjoy the unique place God has positioned you. Achieving your God-given purpose is sharing his love using your gifts, your talents and your place right now.

Why we need to walk in the light

Posted on April 2, 2016 by sandra

Morning came early today, too early.

What used to be a rare occurrence now happens all too often. I wake up in the middle of the night and have to visit the facilities or my inner furnace kicks into overdrive (infernal inferno, anyway). Once the critical state passes, my mind refuses to drift back to dreamland.

I now understand why “Momo,” my much-loved, Texas-tough belle of a grandmother, used to spend the wee hours of the night seated at her kitchen table with a deck of cards playing solitaire.

In my teen years, she played the game on her Apple II. As an early adopter of personal computing, she used hers for three primary tasks: accounting spreadsheets (she was a savvy businesswoman), writing letters to far-flung family (Uncle Clifford’s got the gout again), and playing card games. Momo was something of a card shark – Bridge, Hearts, Canasta, she’d win ’em all – although she was known to throw a game of Go Fish to her grandkids. The computer didn’t stand a chance.

I digress…

Back to this morning. After awaking at 12:55 and again at 4:13 and killing time by reading on my phone (my hand-held computer), I rolled out of bed at 6:19. Since daylight savings started a few weeks ago, that hour is still quite dark.

I made a cup of hazelnut cream coffee in my beloved Keurig and pulled my Bible, study book and journal off the shelf. I was so tired that I longed to go back to bed, but that wasn’t going to happen. The bright fluorescent kitchen light hurt my eyes, so off it went. I settled in with my Bible study and tried to focus by the 60 watt lamp next to the couch. With my aging eyes, I could either turn on more light or pull off the glasses.

Side note for all you youngsters who don’t need reading glasses yet. Near-sighted older folks have an advantage over those with better vision. If you pull off your regular glasses, you can read the tiny Bible print even in dim light. When I’ve got myself more pulled together later in the morning, I’ve put in my contacts and need reading glasses for fine print. Oh, cruel vanity!

Anyway…There I was relishing the shadows while bringing my Bible near my glasses-less nose. For Northwood Ladies’ Bible Study, we’re in 1 John with Kelly Minter’s study “What Love Is.”

“If we say that we have fellowship with him while we are walking in darkness, we lie and do not do what is true, but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” – 1 John 1:6-7

I realized that my tired, discouraged self was craving the darkness, not so I could commit a bunch of dastardly deeds but to avoid dealing with my messes. You can’t see the dog hair tufts on the carpet or the cobwebs clinging from the ceiling when the light is dim.

Now, yes, I need to clean house literally, but I’m going for the metaphor here. I need God’s light to show me where I can clean up my attitude and get rid of harmful habits that are the dirt and clutter of my inner world.

In our study, Kelly Minter had us look at 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” She asked us to confess any bitterness, jealousy, strife or “any areas the Lord shows you.”

I thought, “I don’t have harsh feelings toward others right now, so I’m good.” Then I felt that Holy Spirit pang. “Wait a second, Sandra, you are often quick to forgive and ask forgiveness of others, but you hold on to anger over your own failings.”

God was getting up in my business again. I believe he was prompting me to turn on the light and see that he is bigger than any of my failings and move on. Focus on blessing others rather than wallowing in self-pity.

A few weeks ago, our family took a Spring Break trip to the Great Southwest. We spent our first night in the aptly named View Hotel in Monument Valley. All the rooms have balconies on the east side, so you could get a glorious view of the sunrise. Shawn and I were in one room and the girls were next door.

The two of us bounced out of bed (unexpected bonus: getting older makes it easier to wake up) to watch the sky turn from navy to violet to rose and fiery gold behind three terra cotta towers (East Mitten, West Mitten and one I can’t remember). The sky put on an awe-inspiring show, but my phone camera didn’t capture the beauty very well. The iconic buttes looked like black blocks because they were backlit, meaning the source of light was behind the subject.

When I turned the opposite direction and snapped a photo of Shawn lit by the first rays of the sun, the colors of the nearby mesa (not to mention the handsomeness of my man) were on full display.

This photo was snapped seconds after the previous one.

It only occurs to me now, after reading these verses from 1 John, that anything we put ahead of God is going to turn dark. The way we get the best picture is by shining the Lord’s light on the subject. Light comes from God; “God is light and in him there is no darkness at all.” – 1 John 1:5. And it is found in his Word: “Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” – Psalm119:105.

What does it mean to fear the Lord?

Posted on March 6, 2016 by sandra

“Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity and their children will inherit the land. The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. He will teach them his covenant.” – Psalm 25: 12-14

I’ve always struggled with the concept of fearing the Lord, not that I have trouble with reverence, but I couldn’t really grasp its complexity. How do you do it?
Twice in the span of two weeks, portions of this scripture showed up.

In our Northwood Ladies Bible Study, Discovering The Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer, she asked us to choose two of six possible verses to post on a mirror or carry around with us. One of them was Psalm 25:14. When I read the two preceding verses, I decided I wanted to claim those, too. I need guidance – constantly. I often get lost, metaphorically more than IRL (in real life, for those of you not living with a teenager). And as a parent, I definitely want to leave a legacy for my kids. I copied the three verses and taped them to my bathroom mirror, where they have become part of my “Flossing Meditation” (see this podcast from Happier with Gretchen Rubin about putting the word “meditation” with a boring task to trick yourself into doing it).

A week later, Northwood Church’s Executive Pastor Mike Mowery used the same passage of scripture from Psalm 25. This is not one of those verses that show up all the time, so my “Holy Spirit radar detector” started beeping at me like crazy. I thought, “Oh wow! I need to write about this.”

Then life happened, and I haven’t posted on my blog in THREE WEEKS. I’ve got a long list of wonderful excuses, but I’ll skip over them. I’ll just acknowledge that I missed some of God’s blessings by dragging my feet. Time to move forward.

After having a gauzy picture of fearing the Lord, the concept is starting to hit me upside the head in glorious Technicolor. Earlier this year in Ladies’ Bible Study, there was a line that I can’t find at the moment about how the author’s friend described fearing the Lord as seeing God in everything. I revere the Lord when I see Him in everything.

I see God in the morning sunrise over rooftops, the wrinkled face that smiles at me over grocery bins of apples and pears, the stop-and-go traffic that makes me slow my roll.

But the concept of fearing God goes deeper than this. Because He is my first, last and best hope, I seek Him in everything. When I long for guidance in a difficult situation, I seek Him. When problems large and small threaten to derail my puny faith (and especially after it jumps the track), I seek Him.

My understanding of the fear of the Lord wouldn’t be complete if I stopped here. If I see Him at work all around me and I seek His guidance, then the next logical step is I say “yes” to whatever He asks of me.

My faith shrivels and wilts when I refuse to follow God’s leading.

From Priscilla Shirer’s Discerning the Voice of God: “Over and over Scripture makes clear that the determining factor for experiencing God is obedience. We must learn to make obedience a habit regardless of our feelings.”

I write instead of watching that movie I’ve seen 21 times. I ask my children to do their jobs instead of giving up. I talk about the deeper things of life with a coworker rather than rushing past the pain in her eyes.

I’m giving myself a pep talk more than anything here. All too often I pretend I didn’t notice that prompting or I rationalize it away (remember I avoided my weekly post for two weeks). We are all poor in spirit. Those who recognize their poverty and their complete reliance on God get to inherit all that He offers us, the whole world, in fact.

“So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.” – James 2: 17

Let’s be thankful that we see God’s hand everywhere. In those stormy, bleak or arid places, let’s seek Him. Then where He leads, we say “yes” and take that leap that makes faith blossom and bear fruit.

“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.” – Psalm 103:17-18 (ESV)

How to find your purpose in the midst of trials

Posted on February 14, 2016 by sandra

I recently interviewed a local woman who helps the homeless. She began her ministry because her ex-husband suffered from severe mental illness and chose to live on the streets. She and her son began collecting blankets to distribute in the winter to the Fort Worth homeless (You can read about her here).

She told me, “You find your passion through your pain.”

There’s really no getting around it. Adversity is the training ground for growing our faith and finding our purpose. Nothing will soften the stiffness of pride like humiliation. Heart-breaking circumstances fuel not just our passion, but our compassion. The pain of loss allows us to more fully treasure those we love.

When my third child came into the world, I thought I was a pretty good mom. I had two bright little girls who did what I asked them (most of the time). They put away their toys, patiently sat in the cart or walked next to me in Kroger and enjoyed bath time, playing with bubbles and relaxing when I would wash their hair.

Then No. 3 came along and rocked our world. A few of her cousins actually thought “No” was part of her name.

If you asked her to clean up her toys, she might dump out a bin of Legos, crawl onto the dining room table and attempt to hang from the chandelier. When we went to the store, she would try to stand up in the cart and scream to get candy or a toy (even though I NEVER gave in to the tantrum, EVER). I became THAT MOM, with the screeching toddler you could hear from the other side of Target. Bath time was a battle. She hated to have her hair washed and refused to keep her head tipped back and still, inevitably getting shampoo in her eyes. She even had to go to the ER once and get skin glue for a gash above her eye from a bathtub slip.

Here’s my curly-haired tot at almost 17 months. She’ll mess with Texas if she wants to.

Once when her big sister read a sign aloud that said, “Don’t mess with Texas,” she said, “I’ll mess with Texas if I want to.” She was 3.

Needless to say, my concept of my prowess as a parent took quite the hit. But really, it was just her personality. Sometimes you get a strong-willed child instead of one who loves to please you. Hubby and I had to correct her way more often than her two sisters (added together and multiplied). As she got older, we learned more what worked and what didn’t. She, too, gained some self-control (thank the good Lord).

Now, she is a smart, responsible, compassionate young woman of 17. She has high ideals and sticks to them with steely eyed determination. Her perseverance is a force to behold. When it comes to what she wants, this girl DOES NOT QUIT.

God knew just what He was doing when He created her. It was just very challenging and humbling to parent her.

All that points to the fact that I would not have nearly the empathy for other parents who struggle if I’d never had her. She’s also had some health challenges. Again, another opportunity to grow in how I love others and the way I can identify with their pain.

Being at the end of your rope forces you to look up. You devour God’s Word to find hope. Prayer becomes a life-line that gets you through the day. That’s what trials do. They force us to depend on God.

Here’s a promise to hold in your heart during a tough time:

³Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. – Romans 5:3-5

and a reminder:

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. ⁹Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. – 2 Cor. 1 8b-9

We experience God’s supernatural joy when we turn to Him in times of trial. We feel our dire need and go to His word and lift up heart cry prayers. Trials prune away the excess baggage and show us what truly matters: loving God and loving others.

We don’t mature in our faith by problem-free lives (as if there were such a thing anyway). We focus on eternal treasures when we realize our need for a Savior and Redeemer.

How can we flourish in a time of struggle?

Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Go there first for messages of hope.
Be like David. Tell God your troubles. He’s big. He can take it.
Spend time with those who love and encourage you.
Seek to bless others. When I help someone else, my pain has a purpose.
Look for reasons to be thankful. Gratitude makes us ripe for joy.

This isn’t just a message from over a decade ago. God is using difficulties in my life today to fire my passion and guide my direction.

How have you grown through a challenging season?

This is the sixth post I’ve written in 2016! Yay!!!

How to know when you have confirmation

Posted on February 2, 2016 by sandra

^“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” -James 1:2-4

So last week I talked about waiting on an answer/waiting out a storm.
I posted my blog entry last Sunday night, not knowing that I’d encounter a different kind of storm the next morning.
On the previous Friday, my boss said that her boss wanted to meet with me on Monday, but she didn’t have any details. In the newspaper business, when the editor wants to meet with you and the details are sketchy, you have every right to be concerned.
When I arrived at the appointed time, he hustled me down to Human Resources. I figured I knew what was coming. Profits in newspapers are shrinking like the waistlines on “The Biggest Loser.”
They were doing away with several full-time positions in the newsroom, and I was one of them. Fortunately, they offered me the option of resuming my part-time gig because they were happy with my work and still needed someone to cover schools.

One of the many cool stories I got to cover was on local beekeepers.

Part of me was sad that the side of my job going away was the magazine feature writing. But another part of me believed this was an answer to prayer.
We’ve been studying “Discerning the Voice of God: How to Recognize When God Speaks” by Priscilla Shirer in our Tuesday morning Northwood women’s group.
Priscilla’s 5 M’s of correctly hearing God are:

Look for the message of the Spirit
Live in the mode of prayer
Search out the model of Scripture
Submit to the ministry of Eli
Expect the mercy of confirmation

Priscilla asked us to write down in the back of our study guides “circumstances troubling me” at the moment. After a few really big ones I won’t mention here, I had listed “What to do with my writing.”

I’ve been feeling the call to write, but with all the time and energy I spent crafting these huge feature stories, I felt played out. On magazine deadline weeks, sitting down at the keyboard to do MORE writing was not appealing. I decided that I wouldn’t let my full-time job completely derail my other writing and made the New Year’s Resolution to post weekly on my blog. But I still wasn’t able to invest the kind of effort I’d really like to make.

I asked God to give me direction in how to proceed. Did he want me to focus more on the blog? If so, he was going to have to help me figure out what in my schedule would be replaced. Women, repeat after me: “I can’t do it all.” And if you try, you’re going to drive some folks crazy (like those closest to you, and maybe even the one in the mirror).

Not so coincidentally, I just read Lysa TerKeurst’s insightful book, “The Best Yes.” Every time we pick up a new commitment, we’ve got to put another one down.

When I was sitting there in H.R. hearing that my full-time gig was going away, I almost smiled. No, I wasn’t happy to be taking a major cut in pay. We are beyond blessed that we don’t require that extra income. We will just tighten our belts a bit. Not everyone is that fortunate. If you’ve read to this point (THANKS!), you can say a prayer for my colleagues who lost their jobs.

With the study on discerning God’s direction, I realized that the circumstances were providing confirmation (and more time) to pursue my own blogging and other writing.

After the better part of the week marveling at the Lord’s working in my life and (not gonna lie) still mourning a little that my big feature writing stint is coming to an end for now, I heard this song from our Praise Team on Sunday morning.

“All things are working for my good ’cause He’s intentional, never failing…”

Gotta love that God pursues us constantly to remind us of His never failing love.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

Sandra Engelland

Cultivating peace